After bbq with Heather and 2+ hours of catching up while standing in line, we got to see Jenny during her Atlanta book signing!

Everyone in line had sticky “post it” notes of varying colors inside their books to signify tiers of early signing, but we didn’t get there early enough to get a sticky note in our books.  In fact, I didn’t even have a book, since I’d pre-ordered the kindle version of Jenny’s book.  I decided to buy another, because supporting first-time published authors who were first bloggers is cool.

By the time the signing began, we had a few hundred people in front of us.  After about an hour, we too were handed yellow sticky notes.

Normal people put their names on the sticky note, but since I’ve talked to Jenny at each of the past 3 BlogHers, on email, and on Twitter, I didn’t see the need.  Right before Heather and I walked up to her, the Barnes & Noble manager looked at my book and asked where my name was.  “I don’t need to write it; she knows me,” I responded.  She smirked.

I walked up and opened my book.  It had already been autographed!  For the second time in my life, I just happened to buy an autographed book (“The Four Hour Body” was the other).

Me:  “I guess it’s already signed…maybe you can personalize it!”
Jenny:
B&N Mgr:  “You sure she knows you?”

At this point, I want to throw one of the cupcakes on Jenny’s table at the B&N manager’s glasses.  I smile and pose for a picture while something is written in my book.  Something personal, I’m certain.

Me:  “So, guess I’ll see you again at BlogHer, right?  Congrats on … all this!”
Jenny:  “Actually, I’m not going this year, but I’ll be at BlogWorld…go to that!”
Me:  “I’d love to!  It’s on my birthday, June 7!  I was thinking about it, but my wife said something about wanting me to be with family on my birthday, and something about my going to Spain in July and New York for BlogHer in August already.  Women…”
Jenny:  “You should come!  I’ll see you there.”
Me:  “Okay, then…congrats again!”

I looked down, hoping for a “Muskrat” or “Michael” reference I could show the B&N manager.  Instead, I got something even better.  I think.

And while the middle finger aimed at the B&N manager may have stayed hidden in my right pants pocket, believe me–it was there.  Even if only ironically.

Filed under: Blogging, atlanta book tour, jenny the bloggess | 16 Comments

Last week, we had parent-teacher conferences for Maddie the 5-year-old and Owen the 3-year-old at their preschool.

At Maddie’s, I learned she tends to hold her pee until she’s visibly uncomfortable, so she doesn’t miss anything going on in class.  She likes helping the younger children and being a leader, frequently to the point of being bossy.  Has a good grasp on reading and math; doesn’t mind correcting others’ reading or mathematical errors.

I went through 7 years of elementary school (K-6th) without ever knowing what the inside of the restrooms looked like.  Some people say I have an assholish habit of correcting others’ grammar on social media outlets, but I know I’m just helping them.

At Owen’s, his teacher–the one I offended by mistakenly joking about the restraining orders against me, and the one who had to call to tell me when he’d shoved a chickpea in his nose–told me he’s sort of the “class mayor.”  And that he’s sometimes the benevolent governor who manages the class with kindness and charm, but he can also be the evil dictator who tries to force others into his way of thinking.  Right before our session ended, we spoke about her replacement, since she’s moving 10 hours away this summer, meaning Owen will have another teacher for his next year of preschool (they normally have the same one for several years in Montessori school), and she started to tear up.

And then:  “I just hate that I won’t be around to see him grow up and find out who he becomes one day.”  I had to stop myself from suggesting she read my blog(s).

For the first several minutes after she said this, I assumed she said this to every parent this May and probably took drama classes in undergrad.  But then I wondered if she meant it.  I spent the rest of the day thinking about the gift I take for granted every day.  The gift I was afraid to receive but now can’t imagine giving up.  The gift who can’t wipe his ass all that well.

***

Today, Lola turned 2.  This summer, I reckon she’ll learn to use the toilet, and another anticipated milestone will be met, but we can’t help but lament the disappearing sweet temperament, laughter, and innocence that only a baby can bring to a household as she goes from toddler to preschooler to elementary schooler.

Because before long, she’ll know all the swear words her older siblings know.  And how to lie and argue and sneak out of her bed at night to put on her mother’s eyeliner and crap in the bidet.

But for today, she’s the sweetest, most affectionate little creature I’ve ever known, and her favorite word is “yes.”

Filed under: children, birthdays, parent teacher conferences | 20 Comments

What are we doing in these pictures, and how are our activities helping children all over the world get the chance to grow up and sue people?  Find out via my post here on DadCentric!

Filed under: Family, georgia aquarium, shot@life | Post a comment

Last week, your government did all of us the service of sending me to Frederick, Maryland for some critical training in the art of watching PowerPoint slides.  Luckily, there was some down time in the evenings.

At the suggestion of my Baltimore-residing friend with expertise on all things Epicurean, Charlie, I tried a restaurant called Volt for a romantic dinner for one.  And, since my Indian name isn’t “Flocks With Prostitutes” while on official government business, this was the best $200 I could’ve spent on myself.  Delicious.  Good bourbon, too.

The following evening, I got to travel through 2 hours of traffic and rain to the welcoming Sweetney + Charlie crib!  I was treated to love from at least 19 dogs, a wonderful meal that included the first batch of collard greens I’ve actually enjoyed (from Charlie), some fine KY bourbon (also from Charlie), and some enjoyable and enlightening (about myself) conversation (from Tracey, because Charlie went to bed early).

I asked to see where Tracey runs her 19 or so websites (one for each dog…hmmm), and was led to a cozy home office on the top floor with a window overlooking the neighborhood, a MacBook Pro (like the ones on which my bride and I run our businesses, too), and hanging reminders and remnants from past Sparklecorn parties.  I was impressed.  Especially since none of the dogs seemed particularly adept at grammar.

More camaraderie by way of Rowan’s Creek followed.

And I think I talked about the war and various other sensitive topics that have been explored and shelved in my “drafts” folder for 4+ years.  I love how the internet comes alive when I travel.  And how it keeps me from drinking alone.

The following day was April the 19th, my little brother‘s birthday.  And, thanks to the wonders of FaceBook and its tracking my whereabouts, I learned from a mutual friend that my brother’s residence in Pennsylvania was actually quite close to me that week (having been educated exclusively in the South, all I know about Northern geography is where the Battle of Gettysburg took place).  So, I invited him down for dinner at Volt.

Best I can recall, dinner was delicious.  Best I can recall, so were the shots the people he befriended at subsequent bars kept buying us until I tapped out at 2am, since I had to get up at 6am to drive an hour and catch an early flight home.

We love fire water!

And he got a free CD!  From some dude I called “Fugazi” who appears to be his new best friend!

And so concluded another wonderful display of service to our country.  You’re welcome, America.

Filed under: Military, Travels, maryland | 17 Comments

If you like literature that relates the little boy living under the Ghost of Christmas Present’s robe and Tom Cruise’s character in “Magnolia” to my dirty ass and the reliability of Crocodile Dundee, feel free to check out my review of it by clicking here to get to  DadCentric!

Filed under: product reviews, bidet review | 3 Comments