politically correct birthday parties are for pussies

Maddie the Toddler turned 3 last weekend, so we decided to throw a “Three-esta” and invite all our neighbors with children (and a few without) for fun with quesadillas, a pinata, Fanta, and tequila. I even told everyone they could park in the front yard and wear wife-beater tank tops. Then I got really excited [...]

were i a dinosaur, i’d be mega-sore-ass

I’m pretty sure I might have hemorrhoids. I’ve been pretty sure for years, but there’s only irritation when I’ve been traveling and mess up my eating/sleeping/bathroom routines, like visiting multiple houses for Christmas can do. But I’m worried about it today, because I’m back at work, where the paper is one step above corncobs in [...]

i’m wise enough to know when a gift needs givin’. and i got just the one.

Merry Christmas from Father Muskrat!

desperately seeking boners

Remember that post about a 5th grade field trip to Huntsville, Alabama?  Here are some of the searches that are, as a result of that post, leading here: “dad boner” — There is a cause and effect relationship here, you know. “why does my boner go up” — Because you told it to, Drill Sergeant! [...]

a very muskrat halloween (a.k.a., a pictorial tutorial on inappropriateness)

Halloween 2007:  I’m stuck in Iraq but dress like Bret Michaels from Poison, since he’d just performed for us a few weeks prior.  I win “sexiest costume.”  Damn right I deserved it. Halloween 2006:  My brother and I are Madonna with her recently adopted boy from Africa, David, and a barb-pierced Steve Irwin.  Several people [...]

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