Gratuitously offensive

a very muskrat halloween (a.k.a., a pictorial tutorial on inappropriateness)

Halloween 2007:  I’m stuck in Iraq but dress like Bret Michaels from Poison, since he’d just performed for us a few weeks prior.  I win “sexiest costume.”  Damn right I deserved it.

Halloween 2006:  My brother and I are Madonna with her recently adopted boy from Africa, David, and a barb-pierced Steve Irwin.  Several people at the party we attended were offended.  They thought Irwin was distasteful because he was dead and that the stuffed monkey as an African baby was distasteful on principle.  I told them to kindly eat a dick, as I didn’t have time to go buy a baby doll, and this was the closest thing in my closet to a baby.

Halloween 2004:  I was an Abu Ghraib prisoner in bloody POW garb and a dog chain; my friend was Lynndie England in my desert camo uniform (DCU).  People at the party were offended by this costume, too.  This could very well by my favorite.

Halloween 1997:  My friend and I are foosball players.  It’s hard to see, but there’s a broomstick wrapped in tin foil attached to our backs.  We win first place at the IBM costume contest that day.  I get a $50 giftcard to some shitty ass strip mall that I blow on contraceptives and narcotics.

Halloween 1992:  I had just let my friend give me a mohawk to start off my senior year of high school wrestling.  I’m wearing a buckskin outfit my Dad made from Bambi’s father (whom he shot and skinned himself) and am an Indian, back when one could get away with dressing like an Indian without mass protest.

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25 Comments

  1. You seem to have a suspicious penchant for blonde wigs…

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  2. Sorry about the HB problems. Should be working now.

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  3. FreeMan, Um, yeah, you’re right. I’ll probably wear it again this year.

    Diesel, Thanks for your tireless efforts!

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  4. you are a damn sexy bitch. plus, nice reuse of the wig.

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  5. I went on a short trip at one point shortly after our marriage. When I arrived home, I went to toss out a tissue and saw long, blond hairs in our bathroom wastebasket. I do not have long, blond hair. For exactly two heartbeats I was terrified. And then I realized: no worries, just my husband trimming his wig.

    How many wives can say that?

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  6. Dude, I’m so glad to see someone who shares my taste for politically-incorrect Halloween costumes. I’ve offended more people than I can even remember. I think the one that took the cake was when I dressed up as a drunken Catholic priest with a naked male doll attached to my crotch.

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  7. Oi !

    Can I touch those arms?

    *winks*

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  8. Lyndie England! Tasteful! lol…

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  9. Did you wear some Madonna-like “come procreate with me” shoes?

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  10. So material girl, how was Dennis Rodman?

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  11. n000b u sk like hell

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  12. yh rofl u r a nerd get a life

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  13. lol dude didnt get any of the jokes

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  14. That’s quite a precedent…so what’s on tap for this year?

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  15. ReamORama, It’s hard to say. All my rowdy friends who used to throw parties have moved or settled down, so I may throw something together when I take the Toddler around the ‘hood, but I’m not sure.

    AcornKing, He was as naughty as he wanted to be.

    PrefersFantasy, I sure did. Too bad the pic doesn’t show my skirt, tights, and boots!

    Ricky, I’m all about it. Thumbs up to her.

    Sarah, Not if you’re gonna put in an IV.

    MetroDad, LMAO! Great idea. And I love what your daughter is doing this year!

    PBride, you can say many things that other wives can’t.

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  16. Holy crap that steve irwin is over the top. Plus nice pipes, Muskrat! Let’s avoid situations where you drill me in the face.

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  17. BlackHockyJesus, Agreed.

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  18. I wouldnt dare do such a thing…

    Although, with arms like that I know you have good veins.

    Just one stick.

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  19. offensiveness is so much fun! kudos! 😀

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  20. curious cross-dressing costumes cover curve-less cutie. Careful!!

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  21. PB, more than you might think…

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  22. Pingback: wordless wednesdays are for pussies | Father Muskrat

  23. I loved all them. Very creative and funny.

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  24. Pingback: the trouble with halloween | The Muskrat

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