Confessionals

friday confessional for january 16: snuggie lust

confession2

Father Muskrat:  What do you want?  I thought I was done listening to your shit sins.

Siren:  Sorry, but I’m back.  And it’s your fault.

FM:  How’s that, my sweet hooker child?

Siren: I knew I was going to get in trouble coming in here on “Casual Friday” [eyes your snuggie].

FM:  Oh no.  Avert your eyes, child!  Look, my normal garb is at the cleaners, and it’s freakin’ cold in here, so I…

Siren:  It has been 28 days since my last confession, and I have tried to be a good girl, but this morning when the good Lord parted your snuggie like the Red Sea…I was really moved to worship; I just felt like kneeling before you while my eyes feasted upon your masculinity and all its divinity and I wanted to praise the Adonis that you are. It was so hard to refrain, but I did…I just squirmed in my seat having naughty thoughts of nibbling, grabbing, the raking of fingernails, and my favorite color, “spank me pink.”

FM (blushing):  Does the Home Depot carry “spank me pink” in its paint inventory?  Because I think my DAUGHTER’S room would look great in a soft shade of pink.  You know, spawn of my WIFE and me?

Siren [hangs head in shame]:  Please father, you must help me!

FM:  Because your eyes have caused you to commit the sin of lust, I want you to take a fireplace poker and rest the tip in the base of a roaring flame for at least 5 minutes.  Then, mash it against your right eye!  If you don’t have a fireplace, put a butter knife into a toaster.

Siren:  Father Muskrat!

FM:  If that’s too Draconian for you, you must purchase your own damned snuggie and post pictures of you in it with no undergarments underneath.   Geese and gander, you know?

Siren:  I suppose I could do that…

FM:  While I appreciate the flattery, I’m disappointed in your worshipping another god (namely, my backside), which, despite its heavenly nature, is hardly Yahweh.  So, I’m assigning you to the convent, where you’ll be in charge of bathing the senior nuns.  But don’t forget to let me know when you post your pittance photo!

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18 Comments

  1. Laughing my ass off.

    Obviously this lady needs to gander upon other lovely lobes if she’s convinced yours is the end all and be all.

    I prefer my bottom lobes to be a bit…furrier.

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..What Happens In Canada Stays…Er, is Posted On the Net

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  2. I can’t wait til next Friday’s confessional, altho I’m not putting a butter knife in a toaster. 🙂

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  3. siren sees surprisingly sexy snuggie, sighs. Secretly, says sensual stuff. Sinner sent sniffling. so long!!

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  4. Love the confessional! No wonder I’m not Catholic anymore…

    Brenda-SeriouslyMama’s last blog post..It’s a major award!

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  5. what good is a snuggie if you get a draft all the time? lol

    unfortunate names’s last blog post..Keep The Funny Coming

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  6. Is it true, or just a myth?

    That the Snuggie doesn’t have a back to it?

    I’m curious. My MIL says it doesn’t.

    I haven’t seen one, so I don’t know!

    PLEASE TELL ME!!

    Or not. Whatever’s good for you..

    Jormengund’s last blog post..Yet more bitching about work..

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  7. RedneckMommy, You’re just plain wrong on this issue.

    Countessa, It depends on what kind of week I’ve had.

    AvatG, So long is right! I do hope she’ll come back again, though.

    Brenda, I’m glad I never was. Not sure I could hack it.

    Jormengund, You should’ve scrolled down the page a litte farther, and you’d know!

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  8. After TWO attempts to get me to look, I have decided that they’ve GOT to be assless, and I REFUSE to look!

    There are some things that I’ll leave to the imagination..

    But thanks for the offer Muskrat!

    Jormengund’s last blog post..Yet more bitching about work..

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  9. Oh holy one, you are wise and just. And obviously you’re also SATAN in a snuggie! Which in my book is a good thing.

    chat blanc’s last blog post..Magically incongruous

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  10. Where’s the frickin’ pictures?

    prefers her fantasy life’s last blog post..Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part Two)

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  11. You are such a gigolo. Are you setting up an escort service on the side or what? 😉

    If you’re going to throw nudity up on your site, at least, let it be female nudity. I mean, God knows there’s not enough of that out there on the Interwebs.

    Unfinished Rambler’s last blog post..The Honky Dancing Convention

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  12. I can’t believe I was questioning my sanity, wondering if I should post of picture of my boys giving me an atomic wedgie. I just scrolled down and saw a picture of your bare ass. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life… not that your ass isn’t great, but I couldn’t believe you posted a picture of it.
    I’m totally posting that picture of that wedgie.

    Sammanthia’s last blog post..Happy Birthday, Carter…

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  13. -Blinks-

    I have had some time to reflect on my actions I will not deny I indulge in the eye candy you dangled before me…but I also said “It was so hard to refrain, but I did” I can admire MARRIED men but I can’t touch…off limits, and I didn’t!!!

    Just like Eve, I WAS FRAMED. You were like a serpent in a “snuggie” wrapper…tempting my innocence, striking in my moment of weakness.

    Maybe it is you who should confess. I would send you with your WIFE to Home Depot so she can bend you over and spank you so the guy behind the counter has a color to match the paint too.

    Siren’s last blog post..New and Improved Work Schedule

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  14. I can’t believe your ‘snuggle’ or even your arse has generated so much t/hype! Of course, I also must confess, yours is the best I’ve seen in a few weeks! (And, remember, I see a lot each day)

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  15. hahah…. a serpent in a snuggie wrapper….

    SSG’s last blog post..Hello peeps

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