Father Muskrat: What do you want? I thought I was done listening to your shit sins.
Siren: Sorry, but I’m back. And it’s your fault.
FM: How’s that, my sweet hooker child?
Siren: I knew I was going to get in trouble coming in here on “Casual Friday” [eyes your snuggie].
FM: Oh no. Avert your eyes, child! Look, my normal garb is at the cleaners, and it’s freakin’ cold in here, so I…
Siren: It has been 28 days since my last confession, and I have tried to be a good girl, but this morning when the good Lord parted your snuggie like the Red Sea…I was really moved to worship; I just felt like kneeling before you while my eyes feasted upon your masculinity and all its divinity and I wanted to praise the Adonis that you are. It was so hard to refrain, but I did…I just squirmed in my seat having naughty thoughts of nibbling, grabbing, the raking of fingernails, and my favorite color, “spank me pink.”
FM (blushing): Does the Home Depot carry “spank me pink” in its paint inventory? Because I think my DAUGHTER’S room would look great in a soft shade of pink. You know, spawn of my WIFE and me?
Siren [hangs head in shame]: Please father, you must help me!
FM: Because your eyes have caused you to commit the sin of lust, I want you to take a fireplace poker and rest the tip in the base of a roaring flame for at least 5 minutes. Then, mash it against your right eye! If you don’t have a fireplace, put a butter knife into a toaster.
Siren: Father Muskrat!
FM: If that’s too Draconian for you, you must purchase your own damned snuggie and post pictures of you in it with no undergarments underneath. Geese and gander, you know?
Siren: I suppose I could do that…
FM: While I appreciate the flattery, I’m disappointed in your worshipping another god (namely, my backside), which, despite its heavenly nature, is hardly Yahweh. So, I’m assigning you to the convent, where you’ll be in charge of bathing the senior nuns. But don’t forget to let me know when you post your pittance photo!