Back in Fall 1993, when I was a mistreated young pledge at a social fraternity in Alabama, I got an idea. It came to me one day as ten of my goat brothers were putting out silverware on little white folded napkins next to beige plates on long wooden tables covered in white paper as [...]
Father Muskrat: Oh my. I’ve seen posters hanging at the post office depicting more innocent-looking people than you appear today. What’s up?
Countessa: Well…see…it’s been a few years, but I sorta committed adultery, I think.
FM: What? Like being “sorta ” gay? Or “sorta” pregnant? Or “sorta” Republican?
Countessa: Funny you should suggest such: I slept with my [...]
Father Muskrat: What do you want? I thought I was done listening to your shit sins.
Siren: Sorry, but I’m back. And it’s your fault.
FM: How’s that, my sweet hooker child?
Siren: I knew I was going to get in trouble coming in here on “Casual Friday” [eyes your snuggie].
FM: Oh no. Avert your eyes, child! Look, [...]
Father Muskrat (taking a pull from a hidden flask and muttering to himself): Who’s there?
Brenda: It is I, Father. And it stinks in here, by the way.
FM: Well, it is the season for merry-making, and this pious old barrister has been included on a lot of guest lists this week, so ignore the wafting and [...]
Holy shit cow! There’s a line of hot female bloggers outside my confession booth this week! Hmm, I’ll let this young lass in the elf costume come in first.
FM: Hello, Miss…
Siren: I have a confession…*
FM: Go ahead, girl, go ahead.
Siren: There is this good looking Santa at the mall, so I had to go sit [...]
