Baby Family

through a toddler’s lens

Last weekend, Maddie rooted through our closet and found my camera.  She then began running about the house taking pictures.


The first one appears to be Pretty Bride’s backside, Maddie’s finger, and a portion of our kitchen.  Maddie calls it “Precursor to a Meal.”  It’s available for $20.


Here’s where Maddie really tries to push her art.  Emilie reads before natural light while Harry Teague folk art looks on.  I believe Maddie calls this “Pensive Saturday.”  It’s on sale for $75.  But I sure as hell wouldn’t pay that.


This photograph features Winnie’s ass, my deceased great aunt’s dining room furniture, and an area rug on loan from my lawschool girlfriend (who borrowed it from her sister) eight years ago.  Maddie calls it “Now You See It, Now You Don’t.”  It sells for $25.


This picture shows Pretty Bride’s pulling some type of liquid (Dale’s sauce?) from the refrigerator, Maddie’s finger again, and some of Maddie’s shitty art from Sunday School, held on by a Country Music Hall of Fame magnet from a Nashville giftshop, a New York magnet from a street vendor, and a “Smile!  God loves you” magnet my mother gave me when I got my first post-collegiate apartment to remind me to abstain from premarital sex.  There appears to be a wedding invitation that I’ll likely try to find a way to get out of attending and a dog sticker from a bar in Martha’s Vineyard.  Half a sippy cup on the counter represents optimism.  Maddie calls this “Inadvertant Communication.”  Because it features some of her drawings and depicts a rarely discernible “bird” from her mother, she asks $80 for it.


And finally, this photograph depicts Pretty Bride’s backside as she prepares supper and your protagonist’s backside as he waits to eat supper.  Maddie calls this “My Parents:  the Assholes.”  She’ll let this one go for $2.

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  1. She’s got a career ahead of her. I like her use of light.

    Jim’s last blog post..Totally Ignoring the Inauguration…

  2. If that were only a bottle of wine in your bride’s hand… Maddie could easily double the price.

    Brenda-SeriouslyMama’s last blog post..Not just another Tuesday…

  3. I’m holding out for the release of the just-announced “my parents – the two backed beast – EW!”

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Nutshell

  4. Wow. She gets her creativity from you!

    prefers her fantasy life’s last blog post..A Celebration in True Hippie Fashion

  5. avatgardener

    petite picture-er pops parents, posers and posteriors. plans presentation, posts prices. potential!!

  6. Jim, I think they pretty much suck. But, I like her titles.

    Brenda, If it were wine, I’m sure she would’ve kept taking pictures til the batteries died, b/c I would’ve forgotten to take the camera away.

    SciFiDad, Good Lord, I hope not.

    PrefersFantasy, I’m not sure I agree with that, but I’ll take it.

    AvatGardener, Maybe a little potential. The shot of the dog’s bottom, though–not so much.

  7. She’ll be doing the ‘starving artist’ thing for a while. I guess you will have to support her!

  8. oh, look! there’s your ass again…

    what a talented little shutterbug you have. 😉

    ChurchPunkMom’s last blog post..The Other Girl

  9. At least these are normal when compared to your butt flashing bonanza.

    Pwn Greenland’s last blog post..Nintendo Hell: TMNT

  10. I love your blog. This was a grat post! I found you through ChurchPunkMom.

    Great to meet you and I am adding you to both of my blogrolls.

    BedsieTalesMan’s last blog post..thoughts of my imagination

  11. This post only enforces the fact that my ass must look huge to my toddler. Yikes. Thanks for the perspective. Love the bird finger.

    steenky bee (jenboglass)’s last blog post..Fattie Update: I’ve Touched Someone Who Has Touched Oprah

  12. The only real thought that kept popping into my head while seeing this pictures was this:

    “Being a young kid is like being a sled dog behind the lead dog.. The view doesn’t really change much, unless you get outside!”

    Jormengund’s last blog post..All it takes are a couple of words…

  13. Genius, pure genius.

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Thank you Mr. Bush

  14. WeaselMomma, I stop the support when she finishes undergrad. Then, she’ll have to be a “full artist.”

    ChurchPunkMom, You act like I post my ass up here every day. Geez.

    PwnGreenland, See above comment response.

    BedsideTales, Thanks! I shall visit you as well.

    SteenkyBee, I’m sure your ass is not the size your toddler thinks it is. Plus, your toddler is likely myopic when the topic is “parental backsides,” right?

    Jormengund, But why wouldn’t you want this view?

    FreeMan, She says, “thanks.” I say, “I think that label is a bit premature.”

  15. Gee,is all your house this clean?

  16. i think these photos rock. Pensive Saturday could totally be sold in an art gallery. why don’t you send a pic in to see if anyone buys? put them on ebay, classic. Or in your bathroom and see if anyone comments on the art when they visit.
    And you have a very big fridge. Mine has 2 shelves and a drawer and is as wide as an A4 piece of paper. But then again my kitchen is the size of a wardrobe.

    SSG’s last blog post..Wednesday Wallpaper

  17. Better stop her before she picks up her watercolors and then tries to lop off one of her ears.

    NukeDad’s last blog post..Phished To Death

  18. Pretty Bride

    I think my ass looks HUGE. Egad.

  19. Good job turning what should be throw-away pictures into hilarious captions. The last one made me snort.

    Jeff’s last blog post..naethaune

  20. The best news is that you got the camera back in one piece. Although you could always fall back on the photo gallery if times get really tough.

    Matt’s last blog post..I’m not gay. I just need to pee.

  21. Your ass just isn’t the same fully clothed.

    I need more feeling..

    More substance..

    More Snuggi and less Levi.. They are, however, finely pressed and that I can appreciate.

    Candice’s last blog post..Since I’m being all inappropriate anyway…

  22. kipstreg, not right now it isn’t.

    SSG, I don’t agree, but thanks for the affirmation.

    NukeDad, Good point. No more art for babies.

    PB, No.

    Jeff, Glad to hear it. Pretty good for a 2-yr-old.

    Matt, I hope to never resort to such measures, but it’s good to know they’re available.

    Candice, That’s filthy. You’re going to have to appreciate what you get.

  23. Love the ass shots…

    dani’s last blog post..Brush your teeth with a Poop Brush…? 1/23/09

  24. why does your kid have an ass fetish?

  25. that last picture is hilarious!

    maggie may’s last blog post..Nas- I Know I Can

  26. You keep your camera in your closet?

    I had you pegged as more of a “keep it in the nightstand” type of dude.

    You know, for those candid romantic moments.

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..I Have Way Too Much Time On My Hands

  27. And now we know how short people see the world. The bird is totally, totally discernible, btw.

    Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post..Those Girl Scout People Are Trying to Kill Me

  28. I recommended it on stumbleupon. The only thing that it’s missing is a bit of new design.

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