hey maude, one of those punk kids left some shit on our porch!

I must be doing something right, as another blogger who identifies herself as a “punk” tossed this tape measure at me yesterday and let me know I “measure up.”  I assume she means above the waist, but considering my streaking rampage through an Iowa cornfield after watching “Old School” a few years back, I can’t be certain.

I’d first like to applaud her vague reference to Ralphie’s father in her title; I did the same thing a while back.  Great minds, etc.

Apparently, the goal of this meme is to honor men, which causes me to be even more surprised at finding it on my porch, as I’m not all that manly.  However, I’ll play along and pretend I don’t sit with my legs crossed or sing along to Madonna on the radio.  Here are the activities associated with this “manward.”

1)  Say something nice to a man in your life.

Dear Bret Michaels, Thank you for flying all the way to Balad, Iraq last year and performing for all of us deployed folks stuck in the sand during the fall and winter holidays.  I especially liked that you shaved your armpits, as it’s hot out there, and you very probably would’ve smelled like that bag of trash I left in the trunk of my black car that day in July when I forgot to hit the dumpster.  I also appreciate your giving me a “high five” when you saw the look of pure adoration on my face after you opened with “Sweet Home Alabama.” And when you rested your left hand on my right shoulder during our group photo, well, I was like a prepubescent school girl being touched by Edward Cullen.  It’s just too bad you didn’t make it to my trailer after the show like you promised.  That truly would’ve been nothin’ but a good time.

2) What are 6 ways in which I measure success (in life or in blogging)?

a.  How many tax deductions can I find this year?  Every February, I reserve a couple weekends to work on our tax returns, and each year, I strive to beat last year’s tally for deductions and credits.  I don’t cheat; I always have the required “good faith belief” that they’re legit.  I just derive an inordinate amount of satisfaction from keeping money away from the horribly inefficient machine that is our federal government.  Last year, it was over $60,000.  That’s going to be tough to beat.  Adding an infant will help by $1000, though.

b.  Can I still do at least 10 pull-ups?  Please.  I need to up this goal to 20.

c.  Am I staying in touch with my friends from childhood?  I was invited to >50 weddings in my twenties; most of the time, I went.  However, now that nearly everyone’s hitched and has urchins, keeping up in person is much harder.  Facebook makes it easier to see what they’re doing, I suppose, but is that genuine keeping in touch?  No.  Maybe I should man up and tell them about my blog.

d.  Did I win Jerry Becker’s annual College Football Pick’em competition?  There’s nearly $1,000 at stake and yearly bragging rights.  Even against a points spread and nearly 50 competitors, I’ve won the grand prize several times over the past ten years.  This year, I’m in second place by just 2 games, and there’s one weekend of betting left.  Will USC cover against UCLA?  Will FL cover against the Tide?  These are the questions that will determine how good my kids’ Christmas is.

e.  How’s my 401k/IRA?  I don’t even want to go into this right now.  At least I’m buying at a discount.  A steep discount.

f.  Am I bettering myself?  Broad, I know, but stagnant water stinks, so I don’t want to be stagnant.  Am I traveling?  Exercising?  Telling stories?  Broadening my horizons by what I read, watch, and hear?  Avoiding getting arrested?  2008 has been a great year by these standards.  But the 1990s?  Not so much.

The manward is supposed to go to 6 bloggers, but I’ll pick one again:  SciFi Dad. Why? Because he recently analyzed his blog, which likely meant using a tape measure; he completed NaBloPoMo last month, and he helped me with my redesign over Thanksgiving break when my feed wasn’t doing jack shit, and I was avoiding everyone.  Dude totally saved my relationship with the in-laws.

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  1. Does it mean that I’ve been out of the country for too long if I have no frickin’ clue who Bret Michaels is? Do you think that’s his real name?

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Mendel’s Garden #26: A Few of My Favorite Things

  2. there are so many things in this post I dont understand not being American. Who is Bret Michales and Edward Cullen? (thanks for the links). Who is jerry becker? What is IRA in terms of 401k? Who’s Ralphie’s father? Do pull ups make you manly?
    I see the american expat above doesn’t know all either, so that makes me feel better. Thanking you

    SSG’s last blog post..I don’t like Sun-days, I don’t like Su-unday-ays….

  3. 10 huh? Jeezz, I’d better get busy! Just call me “flab dad.” I do chicken right!

  4. I humbly accept this phallic image of a tape measure. Thank you.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..A Brief Foray Into Canadian Politics

  5. FreeMan, Yes, it does. Although, didn’t you grow up in the 80’s? Didn’t you listen to Poison? If not, you missed out. Bret was the lead singer.

    SSG, See above. Edward is the protagonist from the “Twilight” series of books (the first film came out recently). Tweens love it. Jerry’s one of my friends since the 3rd grade; he lives in Nashville. You’re not supposed to know that. Ralphie is the protagonist in “A Christmas Story.” IRAs and 401ks are both tax-deferred retirement accounts. Mine are all stocks, so they’re not doing well this year.

    HarlinSanders, Your talents are, obviously, in different, more important areas.

  6. $60K is pretty impressive. I might have to start making ours a competition now, too.

    Avitable’s last blog post..First Annual Avitable Holiday Gift Guide

  7. Thanks for the reponses. Glad I wasn’t supposed to know about Jerry (no offence to Jerry wherever he is). Will have to check out Poison, Twilight and a Christmas story. I do know that Cinderella actually had a fur slipper not glass due to the mis-translation from the French. Do I get a bonus point?

    SSG’s last blog post..Men clink ale

  8. Ack! who are these people who have never heard of Bret Michaels??? and why do you let them read your blog without proper prior education? lol..

    see why i gave YOU this award?? You kick ass. 🙂

    ChurchPunkMom’s last blog post..Does This Blog Make My Butt Look Big?

  9. SRSLY? A picture with Bret Michaels? How cool is that?

    Way to measure up!

    Margaret (Nanny Goats)’s last blog post..He Sees You When You’re Sleeping, He Knows When You’re Awake

  10. Bret Michaels shaves his armpits? Wasn’t Poison a hair band?

    Bennie’s last blog post..

  11. avatgardener

    macho muskrat makes mere men massive.

  12. Pretty Bride

    Massive tax refund, massive johnson. I see a distinct correlation. Note to self: Must investigate further; potential dissertation topic, requiring many, many hours of research.

  13. I’m petrified of men who shave their armpits. I might not be able to watch Rock Of Love…Bus when it airs. Thanks.

    Sherri’s last blog post..I’ve More Than Honored Your Request For Silence

  14. Wow, look at this slick new blog. Me likey. Nice work shit bird.

  15. I know you’re going to love this–you’ve just been tagged again. ~ tricia

    tricia’s last blog post..Uh-oh I’ve been tagged– you know what that means

  16. I have never known a man to have such a high regard for Brett Michaels. Well, I’ve known one to admit it so openly. Kudos to you!

    And Kudos to him for making our servicemen happy! :o)

  17. Pingback: meme like it’s 2008 (compliments of “always home and uncool” kevin) | The Muskrat

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