Law

our pre-game entertainment

Today, when I arrived at court with my three witnesses, there was another hearing ahead of us, so we all sat down and watched.  Wal-Mart was the defendant.

I won’t reveal too much regarding the merits of the case, but I must provide a few of the highlights from the defense counsel’s cross-examination of the plaintiff:

She was alleging an injured back and hip from a slip-and-fall incident.
She had 3 previous spinal fusion surgeries.
One involved falling out of a tree.
Another involved a fight with her grandson; jail time was involved.  For her.
Did I mention this plaintiff looked like she was over 60?  What the hell was she doing up a tree anyway?
After her fall at Wal-Mart, she “hid out” for 5 days rather than show up for a mandatory drug screen.
When she went to the Emergency Room, she had–and I quote–“droop dog face” from “too much cocaine.”
She claimed this was from a “partial mini-stroke.”

After our own trial (which went well, by the way…well enough that the other side agreed to settle before a verdict was announced, which my client loved), our lunchtime conversation centered on what exactly “droop dog face” meant.

I think it means Huey Lewis was right.  If cocaine makes you look like that, time to get a new drug.

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7 Comments

  1. Wasn’t Droopy’s line; “Oh, bother”?

    Reminds me of the genius ex-professional wrestler who made his new living making safety videos. He was filming a slip and fall video when he took his role a little too serious. Lots of blood and humiliation. I think he’s retired now; or brain damaged, can’t remember.

    NukeDad’s last blog post..I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

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  2. Man I hate Wal Mart. But I don’t even think I could blame them for this particular situation.

    A Free Man’s last blog post..I’m a man who doesn’t know how to sell a contradication

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  3. nukedad- hahaha.
    Droop dog face. I googled it and there were “no matches”. Not even this blog. WTF? she sounds like a total mentalist. Hope she had to pay a fine for stupid people.
    http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/pto/lowres/pton156l.jpg

    SSG’s last blog post..Men clink ale

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  4. Cocaine: not to mention the tens of thousands of dollars spent on un-insured ER care for chest-pain assoc with cocaine use. I see it everyday. The Wal-mart fall is a drop in the bucket compared to the probable abuse of the healthcare system by outstanding citizens such as this. Go Obama!!!

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  5. Isn’t Droop-Dog-Face the ailment afflicting Joe Lieberman?

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  6. David, LOL! It may very well be.

    Harlin, Do you sell any soap from that box you’re standing on?

    SSG, Sadly, I get zero google searches right now. I think my new blog location is too new. I had some great ones at my old location, manly about smelly balls and boners.

    FreeMan, Well, the plaintiff was a Wal-Mart employee, so they did hire her. The other employee witnesses were pretty sharp, though.

    NukeDad, I don’t recall the line, but any pro wrestler who becomes anything but a governor is a disappointment.

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  7. how come my days are not that interesting?

    Siren’s last blog post..The Speech

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