a major award

Bill handed me this thing yesterday.  It reminds me a little of the venereal disease I picked up on the stairwell of the Music City Mix Factory several years ago, right before the bouncer kicked me out and told me to “get a room,” which I followed with a “get an original cutdown, assmonger,” to which he responded by picking me up by the collar of my Boaz, AL Polo outlet shirt and tossing me into the parking lot in front of the girl I’d just met from Winchester, Tennessee who looked unnervingly like Peppermint Patty.  But, I’m just a boy.  Looking at a trophy.  And asking it to love me.

So, the award.  I wish it were a lamp that would glow electric sex in my front window, so that the crackwhore who walks around our neighborhood with her little 12-year-old kid who insists he’s collecting money for the “school basketball team” would see something besides the other end of my double barreled shotgun when she comes a knockin’ at 11pm tonight.  Instead, it appears to resemble those winged seraphs whose jealousy E.A.Poe wrote about over the dead body of his beloved Annabel Lee.  Or maybe it’s just the hood of a Trans Am.  Either way, it can’t fly me away from here, which is a bit on the tragic side.  Insert sad emoticon here.

So, back to Bill:  THANK YOU!  It’s nice to be recognized by my peers instead of indicted by them for a change.  Apparently, it’s called the Arte y pico award, which translates to “bestowed only upon the exorbitantly well hung.”  However, Bill indicates it’s based on “creativity, design, interesting material & overall contribution to the blogger community,” and he says I get it for being “highly original.”  Kick ass!  I am pretty damned original.  Best Lawyer Veteran Daddy Southern Blogger in my zipcode.

Now, I’m supposed to post the rules, and they are these:
1.) Choose 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award based on creativity, design, interesting material & overall contribution to the blogger community.
2.) Post the name of the author & a link to his or her blog so everyone can view it.
3.) Each award winner has to show the award & put the name & link to the blog that has given him or her the award
4.) The award winner & presenter should post the link of the “Arte y pico” blog so everyone will know the origin of the award.
5.) Post these rules.

And now I get to pick some peeps to whom I will pass the seraphs:

1-Johnny Virgil, since yours is the only blog I read that references a septic tank.
2-The Nemesing One, since you come up with something original and offensive every single day while sitting on a toilet.
3-The Hypocritical One, for your film reviews and tales from Idaho and childhood that I dig.
4-Acorn King, because you’re willing to do some ridiculous acts just to entertain others.  You remind me of my highschool years.
5-Rickey, for your observational humor and mastery of the use of the third person.

To read these fine writers’ works and about 2000 others’ witty musings, check out these humour blogs in all their glory!  If this is the best damned acceptance speech you’ve ever read, give Muskrat a smiley prop!

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  1. This will look most excellent on Rickey’s mantle! Right next to the stuffed moose head wearing lipstick. Cheers!

  2. Wait, I love this post. Who are you? Where did you come from? Why didn’t I find you sooner?

    Congrats on the F-R-A-G-I-L-E award.

  3. A major award, thanks! Shit I’ve been slacking, you’ve got a ton of new posts. I got back from Washington the other day, heading to NYC this Saturday…I gotta post an update on this mutha sucka. Thanks for the award, I think it’s my first since that 1987 little league trophy I carry around with me.

  4. I just wanted to be sure we’re clear on why I got it: “bestowed only upon the exorbitantly well hung” and why I felt you deserved it: “highly original”.

  5. Ricky, the Jehovah’s Witnesses will love you (assuming you let them inside)!

    Maggie, Thanks! Because an Air Force pilot and a journalist fell in love in Alabama.

    Acorn King, I can’t wait to read about them.

    Bill, you got me there. But you only gave it to me for that reason out of ignorance regarding the other reason. THE ACADEMY knew otherwise.

  6. Congratulations. That truly is somethin’. I can’t truthfully say that I still don’t prefer the soft glow of electric sex in the window, but what do you do? At least this award is harder to smash into pieces.

  7. The Academy is so, so right. And remember, I’m not just a member: I’m also the President.

  8. Thanks muskrat….although my 8th grade spanish is telling me that the word “pico” does not translate well to “well hung.” Just saying.

  9. Bossy, Thanks for visiting!

    Hypo One, Your Spanish teacher lied to you. Seek another.

  10. An award! Sweet! Can I hock it?

  11. Johnny V- Of course! You know how much copper’s going for these days? Just ask the guys who are stealing HVACs for the bits of wire.

  12. Pingback: Father Muskrat » a kool, kickass, kreative award!

  13. Pingback: Father Muskrat » hey maude, one of those punk kids left some shit on our porch!

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