12.07coping
I try to categorize bad news as either: 1) a problem or 2) an expense. If it’s just the latter, I can bust my ass, file a bunch of lawsuits, and make the issue go away. But if it’s the former (or if the expense is…say…$20,000 or so), great weeping and gnashing of teeth commence.
On Thursday morning, my bride was at our newly-purchased “forever house” to start painting with her mother and overseeing the kitchen renovation when she called me to say this:
We have termites.
You know when Ferris notices the odometer and mentions it to Cameron? Yeah. She mentioned something about load bearing beams and jacks, and then I realized the date was December first, meaning my month of abstinence from alcohol had ended a few hours prior, which told me all was still in God’s loving hands.
Never mind that the lead paint test came back positive, too.
So, I spent the next few hours exploring litigation options between bouts of kicking myself and sprinting through the liquor store to prepare for what’s supposed to be my favorite event of the year: my annual black tie optional Christmas party. Which would have been a difficult arena for making merriment that particular day, given its beginnings, but for a spectacular gift brought an hour into the party by a special friend:
A gift that made all care melt away among the perfectly belted homages to INXS, Crowded House, Duran Duran, and other awesomeness from our ’80s cover band.
Because problem or expense, good friends and red eyes make everything better.
You know glenn beck? Cuz I swear that’s who he looks like.
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muskrat Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 3:43 PM
@warr3ng, I invite Mr Beck every year! And he totally comes, see?
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December 7th, 2011 at 3:39 PM
Oh dear baby Jesus. I want to find your former owners and step on their throats.
Amber-Lee´s last [type] ..Life Unmasked: Why I hate Christmas Cards
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muskrat Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 3:43 PM
@Amber-Lee, Yeah, well, it’s complicated. I suppose.
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December 7th, 2011 at 3:40 PM
As I told PB, at least it couldn’t be in more capable hands. If there’s a legal avenue, you’ll prevail, I have no doubt.
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muskrat Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 4:18 PM
@Avitable, Thanks! I think.
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December 7th, 2011 at 4:01 PM
I’m not sure your very tall friend got the memo about your month of abstinence.
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muskrat Reply:
December 7th, 2011 at 4:57 PM
@PB, But the month is over, right?
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December 7th, 2011 at 4:33 PM
I’ll drink to that!
Seriously. I hope you get something out of the bastards. That’s bullshit.
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muskrat Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 2:11 PM
@S.Law, Thanks…we’ll see.
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December 7th, 2011 at 5:26 PM
How did Pretty Bride cope?
Miss Britt´s last [type] ..Better Safe than Loved?
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muskrat Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 2:12 PM
@Britt, I hear she interrupted the guy delivering the news and showing her the tunnels so that she could walk away. There may have been tears, too.
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December 7th, 2011 at 5:51 PM
That sucks, but the shirt is grand. Get really, really awesome, and then do what you gotta do. But get awesome first.
BusyDad´s last [type] ..I’m so unorthodox with Thanksgiving (some crazy recipes)
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muskrat Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 2:12 PM
@busydad, It starts with being awesome.
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December 8th, 2011 at 1:33 AM
I had termites in my house too. Thankfully we caught it early and thus had minimal damage. No lead paint though, so that is good. Now if my plumbing would just stop being difficult.
russ´s last [type] ..Why, what do we have here! by Russ
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muskrat Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 2:13 PM
@Russ, I’m hoping for “minimal damage,” too. I like those 2 words.
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December 8th, 2011 at 8:27 AM
You are dashing in that Bow Tie.
William´s last [type] ..Tradition
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muskrat Reply:
December 8th, 2011 at 2:13 PM
@William, I only wear a bow tie with a tux. Maybe I should start with my suits, yes?
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December 8th, 2011 at 1:25 PM
Aww, fuck. Sorry about the wood-eating vermin. On the upside, even with red glowing demon eyes you look sexy!
sweetney´s last [type] ..Ixnay on the A-holeway
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muskrat Reply:
December 11th, 2011 at 6:45 PM
@sweetney, Thanks. You should see them when they’re yellow, a la the end of the “Thriller” video.
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December 10th, 2011 at 12:22 PM
Dude. Just, dude.
Sorry, man.
Drink up. I will, too. That’s how I help. You’re welcome.
Daddy Scratches´s last [type] ..Note to self: Chill the fuck out.
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muskrat Reply:
December 12th, 2011 at 10:13 AM
@daddy scratches, Thanks for the green light.
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December 12th, 2011 at 9:48 AM
I’m sorry about the house situation. I’ll send you guys good anti-termite juju. I get awesome, too. Hang in there, Muskrat Tribe.
Chrisy´s last [type] ..The Creepy Christmas Monkeys
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muskrat Reply:
December 20th, 2011 at 12:27 PM
@chrisy, Thanks! It’ll work out…
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December 13th, 2011 at 4:02 PM