Blogging Travels

a glimpse into the life of a dark, slapshotting deity


“Fuck yeah!” was the reply to my “I think the military is sending me to your neck of the woods in a few weeks.  Want to meet up for some sushi or something?” email.

“A few weeks” ended last night.  I followed Trudie’s (my Garmin) instructions across town.  I laughed out loud at the sign showing the “Willows” subdivision.  I saw the mountains that stood in the background of pictures of children.  I saw a familiar street from bygone images.  I checked Twitter while at a red light:

  1. Je est un autre

    wwbhjd@themuskrat is on his way to my house. Blogging is so weird.

And then,

Trudie:  “Arriving at destination, on left.”

Inside, a cat I already knew as Luna greeted me.  A little girl I already knew as Lucy stuck her head down from upstairs.  And then, a foot.  And a few seconds later, all of her came downstairs.  Then a little boy I already knew as Jackson emerged.  The drums I already knew he played were in the corner.  Through the window was a trampoline where an enigmatic man once did backflips on YouTube while challenging a mommy blogger’s husband.

Me:  So, how you been?
BHJ:  Not so good…it’s been hard, since getting back from BlogHer.
Me:  I’m sure.  So, how’d they find your blog?
BHJ:  I was in Dallas when I started getting comments from the kids.  They found the YouTube trampoline videos first, then the blog.  It just sucked…having to take it all down.  Some people thought it was a stunt or something, but fuck them.
Me:  I thought it was pretty apparent from the tweets that this was something you were not choosing to do–something painstakingly hard.  I assume you got a bunch of supportive emails, along with all the comments?
BHJ:  I did.  It’s taken me several days to be able to write again…it was hard coming off the high of BlogHer, having this happen, and then trying to start again.  But the old stuff will be back–it’ll be on top of the new–once I can finish scrubbing it of pictures and references to the old name.
Me:  That’s good.  And, I noticed the “W” is back in “The Willows” sign, so there’s that.
BHJ:  Yeah, we all got assessed to replace the damned thing.  W’s are like $300.  Fucking W’s. 

The four of us jumped in his car and headed to a local cantina.

Me:  So, Jackson, do you ever talk to Vincent any more?
Jackson:  Not really…
BHJ:  I don’t guess I ever told you, but I wrote a pretty popular post about you and Vincent.  Remember when he had his birthday party and didn’t invite you, and you were hurt, and I was, too?  Well, I wrote that we went over there and opened his presents and ate his cake and cut off his head and popped all his balloons!
Jackson (laughing):
Me:  It was off the chain…several of us regard it as a favorite post from your dad’s blog.
Jackson:  He didn’t even give a real reason for not inviting me–he said I was too old, but there were two other boys who were older…  I beat him in the popcorn sales drive, though!
Me:  Kettle corn?
Jackson:  Yeah!
Me:  The only vengeance that can rival cutting off an ingrate’s head is outselling him in kettle corn.  Nice work.

Lucy (pressing plastic pink glasses to her temple):  I’m going to kill myself.
Me:  What?  You’re going to off yourself with the left arm of a set of plastic pink eyeglasses?
BHJ:  Great, I can see you writing about this tomorrow–BHJ’s five-year-old daughter:  the apple the didn’t fall far from the tree.
Lucy:  It’s okay, Daddy.  I’m just bored.  Can we go home now?
BHJ:  Sure.

The J’s reentered their home, and we made plans for Friday night.  But before I could leave…

Me:  So, where does that little bastard Vincent live, anyway?
BHJ (pointing):  Right there, around the corner.

I pulled away and paused in front of Vincent’s house.  Vincent–the kid who’d hurt the drum-playing, future scientist, popcorn-selling boy with whom I’d had enchiladas.  Vincent, the kid who lost his head in the blogosphere, but has it in real life.  Vincent, a dumb kid whose house was getting the middle finger from some overly zealous rodent from WordPress.

Me:  Fuck you, Vincent.  But thanks for your inspiration.

And the rented Mitsubishi returned through the backdrops of yesteryear’s interwebs towards the interstate path to reality.


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  1. Fucking Vincent.

  2. Jealous.

    No one comes to visit me and the Canadian gov’t only lets me out of the country once a year. Oh wait. I confused gov’t for my husband.

    .-= Redneck Mommy´s last blog ..What Happens On Vacation Is Meant to Be Blogged =-.

  3. Fuckyeahenchiladas.
    .-= califmom´s last blog ..The Essence Of The Hole =-.

  4. Vincent is a bullshit.
    .-= Linsey´s last blog ..Earth will be swallowed by the Sun =-.

  5. You are a rodent of unusual size.
    .-= Whit´s last blog ..I Brood and I’m Dangerous =-.

  6. Re: Whit’s comment:
    SEE? I told you.

    Re: Vincent
    I cannot beLIEVE you didn’t go back in the dead of night and strategically roll his yard. You shame your fellow Southeriners.

    Re: The ‘W’
    BHJ totally got cornholed. I got mine at Hobby Lobby for like five bucks on clearance.

  7. i do believe when reality hits the internet – the two combust in a fiery explosion.

    or the vodka makes you think you are smarter than you really are.
    .-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..vacation is all i ever wanted. vacation happened to get away =-.

  8. Had your timing been better you and I could have totally done donuts on Vincent’s front lawn and he’d have taken it in the ass via homeowners association dues to fix that yard. But whatever.
    .-= Undomestic Diva´s last blog ..RAGE Winner and Photos =-.

  9. I’m the one that thought it was possibly a stunt. I don’t follow Twitter unless I’m on there at that exact moment, so my only context was his post.
    .-= Avitable´s last blog ..A Letter from Barack Obama =-.

  10. Actually – I was going to say what Avitable said. Not that I thought it was a stunt, but that I had no idea about all the twitters and stuff until AFTER I was teasing you about getting all mushy about something.

    THAT being said…

    This post was fantastically done.
    .-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..And Jesus Would Say: Never Unfollow Someone Just Because They Unfollowed You =-.

  11. Oh. And. Um.

    Forgot to subscribe.

    Just ignore me.
    .-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..And Jesus Would Say: Never Unfollow Someone Just Because They Unfollowed You =-.

  12. I’m not on Twitter much either, but the buzz around BHJ was hard to miss for even a sporadic social media person. Neat you two connected in person. Glad not-nice Vincent inspired you. I liked this.
    .-= Chris´s last blog ..The Weapon =-.

  13. Pretty Bride

    Loving this, sad at missing it. Wonder what a family dinner starring the Muskrats and Jesuses would look like??

  14. @palinode, Well said.
    @redneck mommy, I would love to spend a few hours at the Redneck abode! One day, perhaps….
    @califmom, They are quite delicious.
    @linsey, I’ve never heard it put quite like that, but you’re probably right.
    @whit, By “unusual,” you mean “huge,” right?
    @jett, You do realize there are no trees in the desert, right? I mean, I could roll the tumbleweeds, but it’s just not the same.
    @gorillabuns, There was, indeed, explosions.
    @undomestic diva, I love that idea! Isn’t that want rentals are for?
    @avitable, Yeah, both of us knew you were “that guy,” but I chose not to use your name above. I pointed out that you’re probably–like me–a bit cynical by nature and that you don’t read Twitter all that often. So see? It’s like I’m your advocate, even when outside my jurisdiction.
    @britt, Thanks for the compliment–means a lot from you! Re: your making fun of my empathy, I expect that from someone who rolls up on my hometown while I’m away.
    @chris, Thanks! It’s good to be inspired by others’ jackassery.
    @pretty bride, There would be a lot of inappropriate banter, and all would be fed from the loaves and fish.

  15. Great that you got to meet him, but WTF? It’s hard being a blogger. We all need to grow bigger balls and tell our kids, lovers and bosses to just deal with it.
    .-= prefers her fantasy life´s last blog ..In Bed With Muskrat, In The Bath With Bossy =-.

  16. And I bet you were surprised like I was that the dude–God love him–isn’t even black.
    .-= prefers her fantasy life´s last blog ..In Bed With Muskrat, In The Bath With Bossy =-.

  17. Wait, I thought Vincent was dead. You mean that was all a lie?
    .-= abdpbt´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.

  18. I must be bad at blogging because not only do I not have a clue who you’re talking about, but what you’re talking about. I feel like walked in mid-way through an episode of My So Called Life. [Is Vincent cute like Jordan Catalano?]

  19. This is a great site that you have here.I have a humor blog myself and I would like to exchange links with you. Let me know if this is possible, either through email or by a comment on my site when you get the chance. Thanks. Jason

  20. I must admit that I saw BHJ at BlogHer. From afar. And felt I was not cool enough to speak with him. So, I slunk away.
    .-= Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..Answers, Part 2 =-.

  21. Oh man. Vincent. I hate mean kids. And I’m glad BHJ’s gettin’ his groove back.
    .-= Carolyn Online´s last blog ..Booyah for the HooHah. =-.

  22. @PrefersFantasy, I sorta figured he was a cracker. And as big as his and my balls are, I don’t think we could get away with telling EVERYONE…just the nature of our professions.
    @abdpbt, He’s dead now.
    @Sherri, Vincent is not cute. He’s charred. And rotting.
    @Jason, No thanks.
    @CoalMiner’sGD, Are you kidding? You’re plenty cool enough! You talked to me at BlogHer, right?
    @CarolynO, Me too. He’s like Stella, but with facial hair.

  23. Pingback: 2009: a muskrat odyssey | Father Muskrat

  24. Thank you for a great writeup. Them in truth was once your discretion profile that. Glimpse difficult in order to significantly shipped pleasant from you! Even so, how can we communicate?

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