why i’ll never get unsupervised visitation

Today, Pretty Bride made the mistake of leaving me alone with Toddler for several hours while she ran some errands.  As she drove away, I was sitting on the front porch with my Thinkpad; Toddler had just removed her diaper and was having some bare ass time on the porch swing.

Toddler:  “Daddy, need potty.”
Me:  “Like for real potty or just talking about going potty later on?”
Toddler:  “Uh huh.”
Me:  “Okay, when I finish reading this post, okay?”

12 seconds later, after seeing a puddle under the porch swing (pictured above):
Me:  “Baby, did you spill your drink?”
Toddler:  “No.”

I picked her up and realized she’d pissed through the porch swing onto the porch.

Me:  “Baby!”
Toddler:  “Sorry, Daddy.  Had to go potty.”

We spent the rest of the morning enjoying some “barefoot and underpants free” time in the driveway.

Then she colored a library book that wasn’t a coloring book.

And I spent some quality time with my shadow.

It’s like I just freed O.J.!

All in all, not a bad way to spend a Saturday morning before the first college football game starts at 12:30.

If you don’t like spending Saturdays with the SEC, check out these humour blogs all day!

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  1. I randomly found your blog and have been laughing so hard while browsing through. You’ve definitely gained a new daily reader.

  2. Counselor, listen to your clients! Esp the female ones.

  3. Your title for this one just kills me, more so after reading the post!

  4. Sherri, Thanks! I enjoyed your wedding stories, btw.

    Harlin, I try to listen. I just don’t retain well.

    Bill, glad to hear it!

  5. pretty, petite progeny pees on porch. Papa perplexed. Plays (with) pretender.

  6. congratulations on the newest spawn. (i looked at your twitters)
    I hope all is well.

  7. You need to start a therapy fund for that child. Like a college fund, but lots more money.

    There’s only four years of college…

  8. Staghounds, Hilarious! You may be right.

  9. Sometimes I like to pee the swing too, don’t ask what I’m doing at the playground bottomless. Let’s just say that going down the slide bottomless isn’t a great idea.

  10. AK, you wicked, wicked boy! Which playground do you frequent? What times?

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