Baby

restricting the g’s on my man junk

skeletors-loincloth

On the way home from church today, this came from the back seat:

Maddie:  Daddy, I want pancakes.
Me:  Okay, we’ll have pancakes.
Maddie:  And, then, let’s go to outer space for lunch!
Me:  That sounds wonderful.  Do you have a helmet?
Maddie:  I do.  And, a space suit.
Me:  What’s your space suit for?
Maddie:  Protecting me from space, Daddy!
Me:  Ah, yes.  That’s why I have a pressurized loin cloth.
Maddie:  A lone koff?
Me:  A pressurized loin cloth protects my man junk from the inordinate amounts of G-forces that come with traveling fast enough to leave the Earth’s gravitational pull.
Maddie:  Junk?
Pretty Bride:  Muskrat!  The children do NOT need to hear about your…that’s just inappropriate.
Me:  It’s not like I’m going to wrap my crotch in tin foil and go looking for a space shuttle or something.  You’re ruining our moment of learning.
Maddie:  Daddy, I don’t want to go to space for lunch any more.

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23 Comments

  1. Well you have to admit that little convo may have taken some of the charm out of lunching in space.
    .-= paige´s last blog ..Twins, etc…. =-.

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  2. Wait till you get the chance to teach your darling the wonders of lubricant. It appears 12 is the correct age in the Unicorn household. Munchkin now knows all about it. 🙂 Maybe I should inform him of the benefits of a pressurized loin cloth as well?
    .-= LadyeUnicorn´s last blog ..Working Up To It =-.

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  3. and yet, oddly, I now want pancakes.
    .-= flutter´s last blog ..I can roar =-.

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  4. Funny how a man can speak of his family jewels, and his junk, and mean the same thing.
    .-= headbang8´s last blog ..Photo Friday: My Favorite Spot =-.

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  5. Dude, that discussion ruined MY appetite. No wonder she didn’t want to lunch in space.

    Did you spend inordinate amounts of time talking about YOUR dad’s junk right before eating? Is this a southern thing?
    .-= SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Married Finances =-.

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  6. Properly proud pancake-less Papa prefers pressurized protection. Poor Pretty-Bride protests penis patter.

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  7. I might have given up my dream of a lunch in outer space after all of that too. 😉
    .-= Hilly´s last blog ..Snackie Sunday: Look Into My Crystal Ball… =-.

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  8. I want to have lunch in outer space.

    Can I get a pressurized loin cloth too?
    .-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..7 Things I Learned This Weekend That Have Nothing To Do With Self Esteem =-.

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  9. Having met you, it feels a little weird to be discussing your man junk, but oh, well. There, I’m over it.

    Kids need to learn about the importance of a man protecting his junk, ESPECIALLY in space. That’s something all those sci-fi movies neglect to tell you about. If not their own father, then who???

    And now I’m hungry for pancakes.
    .-= JD at I Do Things´s last blog ..I Will Be Cremated so you don’t have to be =-.

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  10. I don’t really want space lunch anymore either.
    .-= Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah´s last blog ..I am the only one who gets to make my kids cry. =-.

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  11. I don’t think Pretty Bride ruined your “moment of learning”. Her words were spoken like a true mother!

    There were some boys in our neighborhood when I was a kid who covered their little brother in aluminum foil and told him he was in “astronaut training”. They pushed him out of a tree to test the foil suit. The boy broke his leg.
    .-= Chris´s last blog ..The Women =-.

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  12. Way to scar you kid! LOL!! Too funny!!

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  13. Okay… You have a pressurized loin cloth? You are officially my hero! Be honest… Can you adjust the pressure in a pulsating rhythm… Cuz if you can you never have to leave the house again!
    .-= SiteInsights´s last blog ..Is Gordon Ramsay Causing Kitchen Nightmares for Restaurateurs? =-.

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  14. Came over from 24 at Heart’s site to check out your blog and lo and behold, in the first post I read, you’re talking about your package. I’ll be back to read more being the closet pervert that I am.
    .-= The Peach Tart´s last blog ..Charlie’s Angel I’m Not =-.

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  15. I think foil on your junk would be quite the look and you could possibly start a trend.

    Maybe M. Night Shyamalan could use that in his next alien movie.
    .-= Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..I’m a Big Prude =-.

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  16. Can’t say as I blame her.
    .-= A Free Man´s last blog ..But how this life will change him, that we don’t know. =-.

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  17. I’m guessing the internet search for loin cloth was awkward at best.
    .-= Whit´s last blog ..Madness, Bubblegum and What It is I Do =-.

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  18. Tin foil on the man junk. So is THAT what Tin Foil’s for? And all this time Bossy has been using it for leftovers.
    .-= BOSSY´s last blog ..Ten-Word Tuesday. The Landscape Edition. =-.

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  19. Tin Foil? No no my good man, use saran wrap. Saran Wrap is so much softer and it makes for some interesting pictures. So I hear….on the internet….someone told me. I swear.
    .-= Hockeyman´s last blog ..That’s All Folks! =-.

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  20. A great lesson taught… that of man junk… 🙂
    .-= Belle´s last blog ..Fat & Ugly with a Side of Over-Dramatic =-.

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  21. Between here and at Twenty Four’s, I’ve heard more about your man junk than I ever needed to know. Jus’ sayin’!
    .-= Lisa Unfiltered´s last blog ..It’s a BlogapaLOSEa =-.

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  22. @Paige, I will admit no such thing.
    @LadyUnicorn, I don’t even want to think about talking lubricant with children! I hope you mean in the context of bike chains.
    @Flutter, You and JD are welcome to come over for pancakes any time!
    @Headbang8, You’re brilliant. I’ve never thought of it that way at all!
    @SciFiDad, No, thankfully, he/I didn’t. Usually, we Southerners just say the blessing and then pass the biscuits. I’m an outlier.
    @AvatGardener, Poor Pretty-Bride? Pigger Please.
    @Hilly, I really think you should keep that dream alive. It’s what MLK would’ve wanted.
    @MissBritt, Yes and yes! Wait, maybe I should be shouting “yes!” with another woman.
    @JD, Your insight is brilliant and appreciated. And, I like that you’re the only person who still seems to want pancakes.
    @Sarah, I’m disappointed in you, then.
    @Chris, See? Those boys were so much worse than I am. I feel better about my parenting already. Thanks!
    @Keyona, She was scarred a long time ago. I may have just pulled out some of the stitches.
    @SiteInsights, Of course it does! Do you EVER see me around town? I didn’t think so.
    @PeachTart, Looks like you’re out of the closet, now! Pervert.
    @CoalMiner’sGD, He needs some new ideas, and I think yours might just be the one!
    @FreeMan, I blame both of you, then.
    @Whit, Awkward? It was beautiful.
    @Bossy, Bossy has been missing out!
    @HockeyMan, Won’t that chafe? Wait, so does aluminum.
    @Lisa, The #1 search term for my blog is “boner.” So, yeah.

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  23. oh no you did NOT say “man junk” in front of your child.

    did you?
    .-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..I Have This Pain on My Right Side =-.

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