it is finished


So, today was my last day of secure employment. I had a BBQ buffet lunch at the Marriott sponsored by our head partner, went over the cases I’m handing over to others, and packed.  Then I loaded the wife’s minivan full of my shit and headed to an empty office in a building in Buckhead to jettison said shit (after dragging out the dentist’s chair and light left by a previous tenant).

But first, I had some unfinished business. I felt it imperative that I have closure with the turd burglar–the short, stocky female janitor who, every day for two years, burst into the restroom at precisely the time in which I was using it–9:30am. I found her in the hallway leading to the can. I stopped her.

Me:  “So, today’s my last day at this office.  You won’t be interrupting me any more in the mornings.”

TB:  “Que?”

Me:  “You know, it’s funny, but I actually refer to you as the ‘turd burglar.’  It’s…

TB:  “What do you say?  Tood Booger?”

Me:  “No, Tuuuuurd Buuuur-gler.  It’s actually quite amusing.”

TB:  “Troood Brooger?  I don’t understand ‘trood brooger’.”

Me:  “It’s….it’s just…nevermind.  See you around, turd burglar.  You won’t have the Muskrat to kick around any more.”

And then I put one of my new business cards on top of everyone’s keyboard, left my key card on my old desk, and walked out into the unknown.

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  1. Good luck… turd burglar! 🙂

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Get Thee To A Poet

  2. How sad your good-riddance party was at a god- forsaken Marriott. they are mormons who have no tolerance for minorites, you know….remember when they fired the black women who had beads in their braids?

    Good luck and best wishes on your future business prospects.


  3. avatgardener

    muskrat meals @ Marriott, mocks maid, maneuvers mommy’s mini-van.

    good luck.

  4. One thing they stressed in my teaching classes was to always be nice to the janitors. And it’s true – when you’re trying to pour yourself coffee with several jars of paint in your hand and end up dropping all the jars of paint at once, it’s very useful to have been proactively friendly to the janitor. Then again, it’s rare to find a janitor so interested in stealing poop.

    Anyway…good luck with the new endeavor!!!!!

    Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post..Church of the Latter Day Kitty Litter

  5. Maybe she thought you were hot and wanted a peek at the Muskrat Manjunk.

  6. no beverages were peed in? NONE?!?

    also: GO STATE!

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..How To Succeed… Chapter 3: Bath Time

  7. Sweet. Good luck! This should be an adventure.

    Avitable’s last blog post..Padma and Hardees

  8. Good luck. Jumping of that cliff must be a frightening thing. I hope you not only fly, but soar.

    WeaselMomma’s last blog post..Dad’s Are So Much More Than A Paycheck

  9. avatgardener

    Major Muskrat makes moment to memorialize main-drag to drill.


    weird wastrel writes wit while wending west for weekend warfare. wow.

    (saw your twitter about sunrise drive, must be drill weekend. smart salute your way.)

  10. Wishing you luck, man. My recent dissatisfaction at work has me thinking of taking a jump. I figure if you can make it, then somebody like me certainly can!


    Seriously good luck though.

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Give me back the Berlin wall, give me Stalin and St. Paul

  11. Thanks, peeps! I appreciate the encouragement with sprinklings of humor at my expense.

  12. Good luck in the next development! Did you leave any jobbies in the cisterns?

    SSG’s last blog post..Home Alone

  13. You should have tried, Senora Farto.

    Congrats and good luck.


    prefers her fantasy life’s last blog post..Not Your Everyday Caption Contest Winner!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Finally made my way over here (having had a few sick days off!) to be confronted by a plethora of scatological posts! Fascinating. Where will he go from here?
    Good luck with the new enterprise!!

    arizaphale’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Little Sis!!!!

  15. Good fuckin’ luck Tood Booger!

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Is that nauseating stream of words really dripping from your tongue?

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