Baby Family

helmets are for pussyboys


A few days ago, Pretty Bride and I were visiting another couple with a young boy about Maddie’s age.  The boy came out of his room to greet us when we walked in the front door, and he was wearing a little white plastic helmet that was tightly cinched to his head.

Me:  “Cool!  Did Andrew get a tricycle for Christmas, too?  Maybe he and Maddie can ride together in the driveway!”
Helmet Boy’s Mom:  “No, his plates haven’t fused together yet, so…he wears it all the time for protection.”
Me (laughing):  “Really…are you kidding?  Aren’t all toddlers’ skulls unfused?  They still have a skull right?  Isn’t that why God gave us skulls surrounding our brains?”
Helmet Boy’s Mom (not laughing):
Pretty Bride:  “So, need any help in the kitchen?”

A few days later, I was chasing my dog Winnie, who’d run into a neighbor’s yard, and their son Miller was riding around on a bigwheel thing with his dad; he too was wearing a little helmet.  It was orange.  With yellow “flame” stickers.

Me (laughing at Miller):  “Nice helmet!  Does he crash a bunch?”
Miller’s Dad:  “Dude, you should see how fast he can get going when he rides down the driveway.  Trust me, if it were your daughter, you’d do the same thing.”
Me:  “I don’t think so.  I never wore anything on my head when I rode as a kid.  I thought that’s what skulls were for.”
Miller’s Dad:  “We’ll see.  Just you wait.”
Me:  “There’s no way in hell I’m making my child wear a helmet, unless she races cars or motorcycles.”


Well, this year for Christmas, Maddie got herself a tricycle and a wagon.  And guess what?  She doesn’t wear a helmet for either (or shoes).  Mainly because I have too much pride to let other parents see me doing something for which I made fun of them.  And secondly, she’s not a wuss.  In fact, I called her a “baby” earlier tonight during bath time, and she replied like this:

Maddie:  “I’m not a baby, Daddy.  I’m a lil’ girl.  And I’m tough!”



By the way, today’s the day we’re supposed to delurk!  Drop a comment!

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  1. I tried making my kids wearing a helmet and it wasn’t long before I realized that they were waiting until they rounded the corner before taking it off. I’m sure if I were to ask them they would tell me, “Helmets are for pussyboys”.

  2. I didn’t wear a helmet as a kid either.
    Then, I also fractured my skull falling off of my bike.
    I’m a retard, and I still don’t wear a helmet most of the time when I ride my bike.
    Some people never learn.

    Swedish Skier’s last blog post..An Anonymous Woman

  3. Also, you’re proud of wearing your blankie and call it a “snuggie,” I think your pride can handle it.

  4. dude, she’s hardcore. Maddie ROCKS.

    ChurchPunkMom’s last blog post..Hard Questions…

  5. Man what kind of moonbat neighborhood do you live in? I think that’s the one I went trick or treating in last fall. hehe

    Chris C’s last blog post..Licking Windows 24: “Space Joker”

  6. Maybe that kid was born out of some incestuous relationship and as a result, he suffered from this abnormal skull deficiency. I mean, it would totally explain the whole helmet thing…

    Pops: Bobby…yaw momma, ah meen mah sistah, dun got you a bran’ new skull from th’ thrift store.

    Bobby: Aw shoot pops! That be th’ best dang skull in th’ whole wide world!

    Pops: Jes remembar; yaw momma, ah meen mah sistah, dun got a new baybee on the way. So y’ best learn t’ be sharin’ that new skull, won’t you?

    Bobby: Aw dangit… :'(

    Pwn Greenland’s last blog post..Jason’s back? Who fucking cares?

  7. Our daughter wears a helmet with her tricycle, but it’s more for getting her used to wearing one (they’re mandatory by law for bikes up here) than for actual safety.

    (Happy Delurking Day)

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..Pick The Lies – Volume Two

  8. avatgardener

    Princess and PaPa poo-poo personal protection. Put-down pansies. Pretty-Bride protests? Perhaps.

  9. i think i need a helmet, or maybe just need Maddie’s Mentality. I do fight like a girl!

    Rock on Maddie!!!

    Siren’s last blog post..Old Song and Dance

  10. helmets as for pussy-boys?
    You’re living up to your tag-line today…

    SSG’s last blog post..ignorfamous

  11. avatgardener

    You do realize that if someone googled the “p” word you used in your title looking for porn they could (eventually) find your blog and the pictures of your daughter???
    Do you realize that? Just call me a buzz kill. Although it would serve them right. I have no quarrel with your language. I just think in weird circles, sometimes. And I realize there are sick people in this world.

    (stepping down off my soapbox,now. please don’t change)

  12. I’m glad to know I’m not the only parent who lets their kids ride, rollerblade and Rip-Stick on the wood floors.

    prefers her fantasy life’s last blog post..Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part Two)

  13. I quite agree! Accidents toughen up your head. A vital thing to develop.

  14. Yeah, my folks thought the same thing up until my brother decided to get into a jousting match with cars coming down our street.

    Then we got to wear the helmets like everyone else..

    Stupid brothers, anyway…

    Jormengund’s last blog post..Bah, Humbug!

  15. I don’t wear helmets (motorcycle, mn is one of the few states besides WI that doesn’t force you to look like a pussy on a hog, except if you ride a bicycle you have to, go figure). I don’t make my kids wear helmets either. The older one is just about to get his driver’s license and I doubt the bike will be used again and the little one has training wheels on, how bad can she crack her head?

    However, when I was a kid we had a neighbor boy who had hemophilia, he wore a helmet and was ridiculed relentlessly by other kids. One day while we were all playing baseball in the street he decided to take it off since his mom couldn’t see him. It was my turn to pitch. I pitch like a girl. I hit him with the baseball smack on top of his head. I felt horrible the rest of the day and he ran home to his mom who I was sure was going to call my dad. She didn’t. Still, he should have been wearing his helmet. And no, I didn’t kill him.

    Jen’s last blog post..It must be Monday

  16. VivaH'vegas

    We are right there with you, says the mom who lets Cooper ride his battery powered four wheeler around the house naked.

  17. Sammanthia, I can guarantee those would be their exact words.

    SwedishSkier, That answers several of my questions. Thanks!

    ChurchPunkMom, I agree. You should see her speed up when there’s a squirrel in the road.

    ChrisC, I remember…I think I gave you raisins.

    PwnGreenland, Nice. Are you from Mississippi?

    SciFiDad, You’re obviously a better parent than I am. I think we have a law for when she gets older and moves to a bike. For now, however, she’s never more than a few feet from me while riding anyway.

    AvatG, No, she’s with me on this one.

    Siren, Do you fight like one of those GLOW wrestler women? Cause they’re pretty scary.

    SSG, I try.

    AvatG, That’s why I said “pussyboy.” I’m hoping that attracts a different searcher.

    PrefersFantasy, Nope, you’re not. I’m sure we’ll regret it when it comes time to try and sell the house again.

    ChrisWood, Are you a doctor?

    Jormengund, Did your brother win?

    Jen, Since the kid didn’t die, I assume laughing at him is okay? Good.

    Viva H’vegas, Awesome! Please don’t send pictures.

  18. Will wearing a helmet protect me from STDs?

    Catherinette Singleton’s last blog post..Seriously, I’m 12

  19. Helmet Schmelmet. I never wore one until I was 32 and rode 78 miles across New Jersey with 4000 other people because it was a do-it-or-don’t-ride thing. When I was a kid, I took that hill, flipped over the handlebars, and went under that parked El Camino like a woman.

    Shieldmaiden1196’s last blog post..Exhibiting my meme-ory

  20. PwnGreenland, Nice. Are you from Mississippi?

    No, I’m actually British. But because I’ve watched ‘The Simple Life’ and ‘Jerry Springer’, I consider myself to be understanding and tolerant of your culture. 🙂

    Pwn Greenland’s last blog post..Jason’s back? Who fucking cares?

  21. Catherinette, Absolutely. If worn properly.

    Shieldmaiden, You too are a tough little girl, I’m sure.

    PwnGreenland, It takes a lot of tolerance to understand that portion of our culture.

  22. So YOU were the raisin house! Aha!

    Chris C’s last blog post..The Power of Negative Thinking

  23. All right, now I’m going to have to kick your ass. My boy loves his helmet, sometimes wanders around with it just for entertainment. I’d like to point out that he wears it when he’s riding the back of my bike – I presume that would be OK in Muskrat world, or do I presume too much.

    I’ve got an idea – your girl, my boy – cage match. We’ll see who’s the pussy. And we won’t even bring the helmet.

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Let goodly sin and sunshine in

  24. Wait, did I just propose kid fighting for entertainment purposes?

  25. Fight! Fight! Fight!

    Pwn Greenland’s last blog post..2012: Death of The Internet?

  26. Chris C, I only give raisins to the kids I don’t like.

    FreeMan, You fly us down for a cage match, and we’ll be glad to fight. I’ll even shout “eye of the tiger” at Maddie as she trains in the snow during the days preceding. But I’ll have you know that she’s like iron and won’t go down.

    PwnGreenland, Are you sure you’re not from Mississippi?

    NS, Good insight. Luckily, she’s too young to read, and I don’t share my opinions regarding her peers’ helmet wearing.

  27. A kid’s helmet: $30
    Not allowing your kid to wear a helmet: your choice
    Not allowing your kid to wear a helmet and then calling other children “pussies” and “big girls” for wearing them: douchebag-ery.

    I hope for your daughter’s sake that you don’t always divide everything into two categories: ‘Manly’ (i.e. tough, smart, emotionless) and ‘Girly’ ( i.e. stupid, useless, wimpy). Do you really want her to think less of her own gender? Not that you’ll care but perhaps something to think about.

  28. My favorite part is when Helmet Boy’s Mom said, “…he wears it all the time for protection.”

    Seriously, all the time? WTF is up with that. As for my kids, they’ll wear a helmet if they’re biking on the street or for miles at a time. Other than that, if they fall they fall.

    raven-smiles’s last blog post..The Racing Mind

  29. My parents-in-law gave my daughter a two-wheeler for her fourth birthday, complete with training wheels and a helmet.

    When Pawpaw put the helmet upon my daughter, he caught some of her chin skin in the buckle.

    Horrible wailing and tears followed shortly thereafter and hilarity did not ensue.

    I agree — helmets are for pussyboys (and girls).

  30. boo. delurked. happy now?

    MommyNamedApril’s last blog post..Just In Case You Were Wondering…

  31. Have I delurked yet? I can’t remember.

    You can thank the Strange Scottish Girl. She thinks you’re hot.

    headbang8’s last blog post..Organised Resistance

  32. I don’t think anyone wore helmets as kids pre 1990. Additionally I think everyone before 1980 drank and smoked like (small) fish when pregnant. They didn’t even start forcing auto makers to put seat belts in till the 70s… I agree, down with helmets, how else are you supposed to learn that it hurts when you fall on your head until you do it? 😉

    RaBT’s last blog post..Don’t Run Over Mattresses

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