seven whores a-whoring

I got tagged by Paper Cages to list seven random things.  Seven random facts.  But unless you’ve been wearing sunglasses and doing heroin the last few days, you know I don’t follow rules associated with memes I receive.  I’ll instead list seven random whores and their aggressive approaches.

1)  Random Girl Who Showed Up At My Fraternity House to Smoke Pot.  You were short with short blond hair.  You walked into the side door.  I was in Room 3 and had the door open.  You asked if John was there.  I told you he wasn’t.  I asked if I could help you with something.  You asked if you could just sit in my room to wait for him and then pulled out a pipe and some weed.  I watched as you packed, lit, and puffed.  You leaned in to try and kiss me as my roommate walked in with a “Whoa!”

2) Alpha Gamma Delta Upperclassman Whom I Met During the Ice Storm.  You were at the Purple Phische when “Click” showed up to play on late notice after classes were canceled due to a snow and ice storm.  We danced to the all-black band playing soul music covers.  You asked me to walk you back to your sorority house; on the way, you slipped on an ice patch, bringing me down with you.  While we sat cold and wet-assed in the thin layer of snow, you made your move.

3) Elementary School Teacher Six Years My Senior Whom I Met on New Year’s Eve.  You didn’t know I used an ID saying I was born in 1969 to get into 328 Performance Hall in Nashville for Mel and the Party Hats; you just figured I really was 25 instead of 19.  After you attacked me at midnight, I appreciated your paying for the cab ride back to your Goodlettsville apartment, right up until when the driver asked if you were going to “make that young man a man tonight” and you replied that “no, he’s going to stay on the sofa after we get something to eat.”  I hope you weren’t too offended when I asked him to pull over and let me out.

4) Chattanooga Nurse Who Greeted Me By Asking if I Was Gay.  I did look good in the navy pinstripe Brooks Brothers suit, powder blue shirt, and navy tie I’d picked up in Venice the previous summer, but I never could have anticipated I’d leave Andy’s wedding reception, go to a bar, and have a local introduce herself with, “There’s no way a straight guy comes out here dressed that well.  I wanna see if you’re gay or not!” before kissing me.  What was your name again?  Dana?  I think that’s right.

5) Cousin of the Groom at a Wedding In Marianna, Florida.  I had stitches in my forehead from passing out after my yellow fever shot during my first drill weekend with the Air National Guard.  My friends kidded me about looking like Frankenstein.  Yet, when I walked out of the bathroom by the swimming pool behind the hotel where everyone was staying after the reception, all who’d been there having cocktails were gone.  Except you.  You walked up to me, kissed me, and then jumped into the pool.  You ignored the lights lining the outer edge of the pool liner and failed to notice the blinds open in one of the overlooking rooms, followed by another, and another, and another, until most all of the groom’s side of the family was watching you.

6) Island Equestrian at Brogen’s When I Was Trying to Learn the Law.  I was at St. Simon’s Island for a conference, and you asked me to act like I was your boyfriend so that Frank Kerns would stop hitting on you.  You didn’t know I’d just deposed his client the week before and that he knew I was from Atlanta, not the island, when you kissed me and acted like we’d known each other for years.  He stepped back, but the bar was full of lawyers I either worked for, against, or with.  And all were watching the young blond and their colleague on the bar stools closest to the video poker machine.  I enjoyed flounder with your parents on their rooftop deck overlooking the Atlantic later that night, but I had a lot of explaining to do when cross-examined the next morning by the partner for whom I worked.

7) Future Medical Student Who Made Me Feel Like Wooderson.  You were my little brother’s girlfriend’s sorority sister.  I was working for IBM but still drove to Tuscaloosa every weekend for football games and stayed at the old fraternity house.  The four of us watched the Ole Miss game together before going to the house, where we two sat in the study room until Jim Bob walked in to tell me it was time to get up and head to Talladega for the NASCAR race at 4am.  I took my sleepless, blue-balled self to the race, stood in the aisle, and clutched the handrail by the chain link fence keeping me from 40 cars going 200mph through the backstretch, my body whipping in the wind like one of those inflatable gumby-looking figures outside used car lots each time Dale Earnhardt and his pursuers would pass, smearing Philly cheese steak all over my face and beer down my shirt, while my companions pointed and laughed from the bleachers above, calling me “miserable looking!”

So there they are.  Seven random whores and my brief interaction with them.  Should I tag someone else for this meme?  Sure.  I think Acorn King would be a great candidate for such an exercise.

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  1. You mean you weren’t born in 1969? All this time and I thought we were the same age. I see you’ve been using me too!

    unfinishedrambler’s last blog post..When I turned 17 (1987), it was a very good year (for music)

  2. Pretty Bride

    Dear Unfinished: I don’t know which of us is more appalled, me or you.

    Whore, indeed. And I do mean Mr. Muskrat.

    Damn, my list of folks to run over with my mini-van is getting long. Bitches.

  3. Thanks for shoving this grenade in my pocket, you are both an officer and a gentleman. I’ll see what I can do with this meme, or maybe I’ll pull a Muskrat and improvise new rules. Play a little Jazz. BTW…I had no idea what a meme was before this post, but now I know and knowing is half the battle.

    acorn king’s last blog post..Craigslist Follow-Up

  4. Come on, number two has style.

    SSG’s last blog post..Christmas parties

  5. and is this what you’re referring to:
    Wooderson: That’s what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.

  6. Poor whores… They probably didn’t have a strong father figure in their lives. I wouldn’t waste my time running them over Pretty Bride… unless they return. Then – go get ’em Girl!

    CSquaredplus3’s last blog post..My brother, my friend.

  7. avatgardener

    lothario (in training) lawyer lad lists long-ago loose ladies livin’ large. laments?

  8. avatgardener

    I don’t have my own blog, am I allowed to comment here? It looks like most of your comment-ers have their own blogs elsewhere. I can barely get into this one and I still don’t have my avatar (it’s good) attached. Sheesh. Thanks for letting me play along, anyway.

    Pair of pasty painters proudly (a)pply patina. Place pathetic.

    (living room and dining room in disarray while randy and ron paint the walls. this is worse than moving)

  9. Father Muskrat

    UR, “Using” is a strong word now, isn’t it? Sorry for my relative youth!

    PB, Do we have a minivan yet? No. There you go again with your wishful thinking.

    AK, If doing the “7 Random Things” is easier, feel free. I just figured a handsome man from California who was Greek in college would have “7 Whores.” Accordingly, I’d find that handsome man from CA and interview him.

    SSG, She did have style, I think. And 2 points for you on getting the “Dazed and Confused” quote right!

    Csquared+3, Isn’t that what we say of strippers? I guess it’s true of whores, too.

    Tricia, Genius should never be leashed, my dog notwithstanding.

    AG, There may be some lament, but I can’t help being a victim. And you should totally start a blog; it’s easy and fun!

  10. OMFG! After reading about these encounters, I’ve just realized I’m a whore!!!!

    Prefers Her Fantasy’s last blog post..Meg’s Meandering Monday

  11. Your take on memes makes me want to ma some up just to see what you might do with them…

    Catherinette Singleton’s last blog post..You’ve Never Seen “Iko Iko” Performed Like This

  12. Ha ha…Is Jim Bob his real name?

  13. Nice. Un-PC, vaguely sexist – totally down with this. I think you could have used that Willie Nelson/Julio Iglesias duet as a musical accompaniment!

    A Free Man’s last blog post..A Free Man’s Top 10 of 2008: No. 9 – The Black Angels – “Directions To See A Ghost”

  14. I kinda want your life, when you frame it like this.

    I would keep an eye on the keys of your virtual minivan for awhile, though, buddy.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..One way to offend your wife

  15. Sounds like a few of those ladies took the Lifetime Movie Channel a little too seriously. See ya, gotta go get my Aerosmith tickets. Coach is pissed.

    NukeDad’s last blog post..God Bless Us, Everyone!

  16. PrefersFantasy, Not at all…you’re just…adventurous.

    Catherinette, Feel free. I like them, as they keep me from having to be creative.

    JimBob, You know I lack the inventiveness to come up with pseudonyms. Besides, they’re for pussies.

    FreeMan, You’re totally right! I like how you and SciFi Dad had musical accompaniment on your blog posts.

    LiteralDan, Just remember that every rose has its venereal disease.

    NukeDad, Top priority of the summer, those tickets. You might play ball, but you will never sign that.

  17. So…when I read your entry it made me wonder…how many times have you been whore-ish?

    I ask because it made me wonder, had we met earlier in life, would I have made your list? I have my suspicions….

    bex’s last blog post..Jackass Du Jour

  18. I notice you mention Tuscaloosa and Talladega. Are you one of us, or were you a temporary transplant? (by us I don’t mean aliens either)
    I just found your blog thru NukeDad’s page. Very interesting…

    ‘cuz I’m the mommy, that’s why’s last blog post..Not exactly Rudolph

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  20. Why the hell wasn’t I told about all these? I do remember the pre-‘dega night though. Quality.

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