Maggie was the curly-haired terrier that lived across the street from us with her soon-to-be-divorced cardiologist and housewife parents. She was orange and brown and weighed about as mush as I did in 1983 when I met her one spring afternoon as she came bounding across her parents’ front yard, across the street, and at [...]
Today, I thought we’d enjoy a family activity: carving a pumpkin for that demonic holiday I love so much that takes place on Friday. Emilie the Teen drew the design; Pretty Bride carved it; I supervised, and Maddie the Toddler ate the eyeballs. She didn’t like it and almost immediately began loudly spitting it out [...]
Apparently, my do-gooder neighbors decided to get up yesterday morning while I was at Saint Simons Island and do some beautification. Normally, I’d be happy about this, as our ‘hood certainly needs it. However, they covered up the graffiti from my masthead wall! Just who the hell does this woman think she is? The Anti-Muskrat-Masthead [...]
I awake this morning, open the toilet lid, crack open the blinds for some moonlight, glance outside, and freeze. I realize this is a day no pee will come. Me: “Um, there are some large–possibly dead–animals lying in our driveway…” Pretty Bride (from the bedroom): “What?” Me: “Tetonka! Tetonka!” I summon my guardian and protector–Winnie [...]
Here’s another post from my beloved neighborhood listserv. Apparently, our neighborhood is being run by packs of stray, wild dogs, just like Ricky Bobby and Cal Naughton, Jr. were kind enough to warn us about in a PSA. ————————— Neighbors, Early this morning my partner witnessed a pack of 6 wild dogs ‘hunting’ in our [...]
