This afternoon, I had to go straight from picking up Maddie at preschool to a meeting with a prospective new realtor. Pretty Bride showed up separately, and we sat around a large glass conference table on Herman Miller Aeron chairs while waiting for the realtor and his associate to enter.
The dude walked in, saw Maddie, and offered her some children’s books to look over, along with a candy cane, while his associate began flipping through a 3-ring binder full of laminated pages telling us all the ways they were going to be different from the other 3 realtors who had come and gone from our lives over the past 4+ years.
Maddie interrupted from the opposite end of the oval table:
Maddie: You need to help us move into a bigger house!
Realtor: Well, we certainly plan…
Maddie: My little sister, Lola, sleeps in Mommy and Daddy’s closet, and she can’t stay in there forever. She needs another room!
Realor: Oh my…
Maddie: And Owen–he keeps DESTROYING our house which keeps anyone from wanting to buy it because it’s SO MESSY!
Maddie: So get us a BIGGER HOUSE AS SOON AS YOU CAN, OKAY?
So that was a good ice-breaker.
After bath time, I started getting her and her little brother ready for bed in the room they share. Right before I left the room, this came out of her mouth:
Maddie: So, do you think that man will help us, or is he a CUNT?
Me: What did you say he was?
Maddie: A cunch. Or a cunt!
Me: Where in the heck did you hear that word? You really shouldn’t say that…
Me: You mean the girl who lives in our garage in the back of Mommy’s van?
Maddie: Yes. Willa says ‘cunt’ all the time!
Me: Maddie, didn’t we discuss the fact that Willa is really an imaginary friend?
Maddie: Yes. But she still says ‘cunt.’
Me: Well, next time she says that, I think you need to wash her mouth out with soap, so that you don’t keep repeating it, ok?
Maddie: Okay, Daddy.
Me: Okay, then. Good night.
Maddie: What does ‘cunt’ mean?
Me: Tell you what– when you come into our room at 6am like you do every morning, and you walk up to my side of the bed to see if we’re up yet, go to Mommy’s side instead and ask her what it means, ok?
I can’t wait to see how this goes.