a lesson

The last couple of mornings, Owen the 2-year-old has taken to crying and latching onto my leg when I pick up my briefcase and open the door leading to the garage.  Today, we had this conversation:

Me:  I have to go to work…let go!
Owen:  No, Dad-dy, no!
Me:  Quit being a pussyboy and cowboy up!
Owen:  Horsey* now?
Me:  I’m in a suit.  There will be no “horsey now” games this morning.
Owen:  Horsey now, Dad-dy!
Me:  Do you know what happens when Daddy doesn’t go to work?

*a game in which I’m on “all fours” as a horse, and he climbs on my back and kicks my ribs a bunch while riding.  That God he doesn’t have spurs.

I shut the door and set down my briefcase.  I picked his sad little body up into my arms, and we sat on the sofa.  I slipped off his Thomas the Tank Engine pajama shirt, carried him to the door, opened it, and put him down on the sidewalk leading to the front porch.  It was 20-something degrees outside.

Me:  See this?  This is how it feels to be homeless!
Owen:  *cries*
Me:  Want some breakfast?
Owen:  See-ral, Dad-dy!
Me:  Too bad!  The shelter lost its 501C3 designation, and the state is out of money!
Me:  Now can I go to work?
Owen:  Mmm hmm.

Tomorrow, we’re going to learn why Daddy needs to drink.

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  1. Been there!!
    And in the next moment, they melt your heart.
    Good thing.

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention a lesson | Father Muskrat --

  3. “Daddy Drinks Because You Cry” – failed children’s book title right there.

  4. He will include this moment in his memoirs, in the chapter titled “Why Sonny needs to Drink.”

  5. Unlike many people these days, you’re giving your kids good reason to be in therapy when they’re older. You’re a beacon to us all.

  6. Drinking warms the bellies of those left out in the cold.

  7. Yeah, whenever my little ones use to whine about me going to work I would say, “Someone has to pay for this house!”

    and there’s this:

  8. 30 years from now when he sells all of your assets and puts you in a home with the instructions “extra bedbugs and nothing but lime Jell-O”, you’ll wonder what you ever did to deserve such treatment. Can you forward a link to this post to yourself with a 30 year time delay?

  9. I drink for THEM dammit. It keeps me calm and happy. Win/win.

  10. BTW, why is there no link to the bankruptcy bunny in your sidebar?

  11. Old school fathering, I like it.

  12. Homeless kids can make good money – you might want to think about sticking him out on the curb with a cup and seeing what he can bring in.

  13. Hey there Muskrat! I just thought I’d pop in and see what was up with the Muskrat Clan and what do I find??? Another awesomely horrific life lesson! Looking forward to the Zima life lesson in the future…

    And I’m with Grant, you should pick out your “home for the sick, lame and crazy” before the offspring can…

  14. when my daughter was younger, and playing with Barbies, she asked where her Ken doll was. I asked her why she needed a ‘Ken’ doll to play barbies. She said, “Well SOMEONE has to go to work!” much for women’s lib!

  15. The other day, I pulled the car over and made my daughter sit on the cold sidewalk for a timeout because she was getting real nasty real fast. It’s worked as a threat ever since.

    That said, you had the time put down your stuff, sit on the couch, take his shirt off and deposit him outside, and you couldn’t spare a minute for “Horsey?”

    Also, most homeless people worth their salt have decent winter jackets.

    • @Homemaker Man, Especially homeless people who’ve just run into Bruce Wayne! And no, I’m not playing “Horsey” on hardwoods in a suit. I like my suit and my knees too much.

  16. I like to think my drinking saves lives. My family members’, mainly.

    You’re my new role model.

  17. Fabulous. I tried to make a similar point with my daughter by hanging her off the mailbox by her diaper, but she’s only 15-months and I wasn’t going anywhere.

    Suffice it to say, whatever point I was trying to make didn’t take, and now she hates the mailman to boot.

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