10.05how maddie got her moxie back*
I may have mentioned a conference I attended a while ago called BlogHer and how I stopped drinking for 2 minutes to hit the head at one point and then returned to find that the doll a mom blogger with sons had given me was stolen out from under my BowlHer pictures and name tag.
Well, when I got back, I wrote a letter to the company that manufactured said doll and told them I’d been swag hagged. A few weeks later, an identical creature arrived with long hair and a bike:
After 15 minutes or so with a blowtorch and a hunting knife, I was able to release her and her bike from the plastic packaging. I decided to see if Winnie liked it before exposing it to Maddie.
But Winnie cowered. Despite my reminding her that she’s supposed to be a guard dog. Pussy dog.
I dressed the doll in the more conservative of the two outfits, went to bed, and figured I’d introduce it to Maddie the next morning when she came into our room at 0630. Would she enjoy it? Would it inspire her to do something amazing, like the packaging promised? Or would she just beat her little brother over the head with it?
She likes it!
They’ve been like peas and carrots for the past several days. She named her new doll “Snow White.” She carries it in the jog stroller as we journey through the ‘hood.
But does it inspire?
When I went upstairs to get her ready for bed tonight, I noticed the orange nightlight was wrapped in cellophane tape and that a nude Barbie doll and pink cellphone were dangling from it before a backdrop of yellow drywall splattered with red Crayola “M’s.” She called it her “project.” She beamed.
So… Thanks, Sandra from MGA Entertainment! Do you paint? ‘Cause you owe me a clean yellow wall.
*No, I’m not fucking selling out. I just thought it was nice of these folks to send me a free doll after some whore stole mine. That’s all. And it really does make my 3-year-old happy, which means I have more time to for booze and pills.
I’m so glad Maddie got her Moxie back! She looks like she’s enjoying it!
So sorry you were traumatized at BlogHer. Women!
I have a dog like yours . . . he cowers from all men, including the husband, even after five years.
SurprisedMom´s last blog ..A Waning High
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muskrat Reply:
October 5th, 2009 at 9:04 am
@surprisedmom, Glad to hear my dog isn’t the only one that’s not living up to its potential!
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October 5th, 2009 at 2:38 am
I have to say, that’s pretty cool of them to do that for you.
(Also: note to self, try that trick next year, regardless of BlogHer attendance.)
SciFi Dad´s last blog ..The Bully (or Something Else)
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muskrat Reply:
October 5th, 2009 at 9:04 am
@scifi dad, It was cool, and best of luck with that!
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October 5th, 2009 at 6:17 am
Wonder if I write them if I could get a free Moxie. No? Oh well. Glad your baby got hers back!
)
Keyona´s last blog ..And Now He’s Gone
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muskrat Reply:
October 5th, 2009 at 9:05 am
@keyona, Perhaps. I think they pitied me, which means I’m a fool. Per Mr T.
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October 5th, 2009 at 7:25 am
Sell out.
.
.
.
.
Sorry, I’m in a bad mood after the weekend.
.
.
.
Sell out.
A Free Man´s last blog ..A paper tiger can’t tell you where he stands
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muskrat Reply:
October 6th, 2009 at 8:58 am
@free man, Hey, I’m sorry about the ‘Dawgs, too. It’s not reason to spread hate. Hater.
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October 6th, 2009 at 12:14 am
I’m pretty sure Maddie never officially lost her Moxie and the whole doll thing is just propaganda.
Carolyn Online´s last blog ..8 Things that happen when you don’t listen to your parents and things you should do for your parents.
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muskrat Reply:
October 9th, 2009 at 9:42 am
@carolyn online, I agree that she didn’t lose it…now she has even more!
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October 6th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
i think that dolls evil and is about to consume your neighborhood in a flaming inferno. perhaps you should reconsider winnies clear warning…
Nooter´s last blog ..The Devil Made Me Do It
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muskrat Reply:
October 9th, 2009 at 9:44 am
@nooter, I never realized just how brilliant Winnie is until I read this. Thank you so much.
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October 7th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Do you think you could take the same approach with sex toy companies and get me some free swag?
Catherinette Singleton´s last blog ..Catherinette: Corrupting America’s Youth
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muskrat Reply:
October 9th, 2009 at 9:45 am
@catherinette singleton, Winnie is scared of those, too, so probably not. You should feel free to contact @DrewG78 on twitter if you want some, though!
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October 7th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Give Winnie time. Soon, she’ll be chewing on that doll like nobody’s business. And then MGA Entertainment can market it as a doggie chew toy, too. BONUS!
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..The Journey
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muskrat Reply:
October 9th, 2009 at 9:46 am
@coalminer’s gd, Sadly, you are right. Winnie has destroyed many a moxie-giver.
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October 7th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Freakin’ sell-out loser.
(If you get any free gifts for boys send them my way. thanks).
Yeah, so where was I? Free stuff. You. Loser. Sell out.
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muskrat Reply:
October 9th, 2009 at 9:46 am
@lisa, You diss Muskrat you diss yourself, you know.
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October 7th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I only have boys so I’m always stunned when I see the latest “dolls”. They look like hookers. I’m glad Maddie’s got some moxie. I need one of those dolls.
I don’t think you’re a sell-out. I think you’re smart.
Chris´s last blog ..When A Dog Goes Down and Why I Hate Team Sports
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muskrat Reply:
October 11th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
@chris, They do look a little like hookers, which is great, because I can use their outfits for a “teachable moment.”
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October 9th, 2009 at 7:30 pm
Bossy is still giggling about how you stopped drinking for two minutes to go to the bathroom. Everyone knows it doesn’t take that long to pee!
BOSSY´s last blog ..Here’s Even More Ridiculous For The Heaping Plate Of Ridiculousness
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muskrat Reply:
October 23rd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
@bossy, It does when wearing multiple garter belts and fishnet stockings.
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October 23rd, 2009 at 10:59 am