Law Travels

rome if you want to

So, I spent all last week getting ready for trial on Friday and doing other non-blog-related things.  When Friday morning came, I struck out on I-75 North towards Rome.  I took my mapquest directions, my Garmin, and left in time to meet with my client at 9 before the 9:30 start time.

At 9:20 am, Trudie was repeatedly “recalculating,” I was screaming obscenities, and my car was about to run out of gas.  So, I pulled over to refuel, called my secretary and asked her to call the Judge’s secretary and tell her I was 1) lost and 2) going to be late.  I peeled out of the gas station parking lot towards Highway 27 as the court reporter called to give directions.

I arrived 15 minutes late, feeling like a jackass.  Luckily, the Judge was sympathic, saying, “Don’t worry.  All Atlanta lawyers get lost trying to find my courtroom if they use online directions.”  Not much consolation.

The hearing went well; I expect a good result in a few weeks.

Afterward, I decided to treat myself to some local BBQ for sale by the side of the road:


I figured anyone who advertises with a flaming pig has gotta be good, but it wasn’t.  The Q was too runny, and the hushpuppies overcooked.  And there were too many white people over the pit.

I walked across the gravel and met a pudgy young man named “Jimmy” whose uncle was selling a used Coleman tent I thought I’d buy for $25.  Only I didn’t have any cash.

Me:  “Can I write you a check?”

Jimmy:  “Well…you see, my uncle…I don’t b’lieve he can take a check.”

Me:  “I promise you my check for $25 will not bounce.  Here, I’ll go get my checkbook out of the car.”

Jimmy:  “No, see.  There ain’t no one else ’round here who’ll cash checks for my uncle no more.  Why don’t you come back later on and git it then?”

Me:  “Um, I don’t think I’ll be up this way again for a quite a while.  Tell your uncle I’m sorry for his check-cashing woes and that you failed to sell his tent today.”

Then I asked about the restroom, and he pointed to this:


So I held it.

My cell rang, and I had a text pic:


I leave for a few hours, and Pretty Bride goes all Britney Spears on me.  She’s currently in rehab, rubbing her head for good luck.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin


  1. Are you having her committed? 😉 It sure looks like you should.

    unfinished rambler’s last blog post..Sunday Shout Out #7: Two questions for you and me, and favorite posts this week

  2. Committed for a long stay, I should say.

  3. You actually ate the food there?

    I commend you on your bravery.

    Chris C’s last blog post..Rewinding the 80’s: Technology

  4. Britney knew what she was doin, yall.

    Babies do make pretty good airbags.

  5. I dunno,seems okay to me.Just look on the bright side.You now have a matching set of bub and mum.Can’t be all bad.

  6. I bet that 1-800 number gets alot of calls from people asking for the key and/or toilet paper.

    Ora’s last blog post..Belly Dancing Music, Buddy Guy, and Britney

  7. I love the judge mocking you in such a polite way. Southern hospitality at it’s best.

  8. It would totally make my day if you told me that the judge looked just like Fred Gwynne in “My Cousin Vinny”.

    Doug at Taunt Vortex’s last blog post..Good News, Bad News

  9. I cant believe he didn’t take your check after you PROMISED your check wouldn’t bounce.


    Harris Bloom’s last blog post..Doing The Laundry

  10. avatgardener

    lawyer lost. locals laugh. loo locked. lovely lady loonie?

  11. at least she didn’t send you a picture of her getting out of the car all commando style?? 😉

    and dude, why didn’t you just pull over, and ask directions? 😛

    ChurchPunkMom’s last blog post..I did it!!

  12. Rome’s a shithole. I used to date a girl from Rome. She was a shithead. From a shithole.

    A Free Man’s last blog post..I’ve always kept a unicorn and I sometimes sing in tune

  13. Where is Rome? is it near Athens? Are all cities in Georgia named after European capitals?

    Loving the photo of prettybride. She looks crazy happy.

    What if you had your own loo paper, would they let you use it then? Or what if you said you only needed to pee?

    Are you on trial for something? Did i miss something (most probably). Can we pretend it is for something cool like in the Bourne Supremacy or The Italian Job. that would be a good trial.

    SSG’s last blog post..Uncertainty

  14. And then I remember you’re a lawyer. Still, i will try to make my last comment not look as stupid as it is by asking if you ever get to defend people on trial for doing things like in the movies. that would be rocking.

    SSG’s last blog post..Uncertainty

  15. I think the government should stay out of our bedrooms and our cars.

    prefers her fantasy life’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday (or Why I Love Winter)

  16. I hate runny Q. There’s a new place in Spring Hill called Big John’s. It’s not runny. I’ll take you there when you come up next month.

    The Figurehead’s last blog post..The story of the tortoise and the ….fish?

  17. Your wife is a rockstar. Seriously. 🙂

    Damn, I’ve got a lot of reading to catch up on…

    Brenda-SeriouslyMama’s last blog post..And the winner is…

  18. Wow, you know our country is in trouble when people start stealing toilet paper. I mean, come on, toilet paper?

    Super Mega Dad’s last blog post..It’s So Beautiful, I Could Pee!*

  19. What the hell do you need a tent for? He’s not even ONE yet!!! Give the boy some time. You? camping???

  20. avatgardener

    so if you are playing hooky, this really is wordless wednesday!!

  21. UR, Yes.

    Chris C, I am quite brave when bbq is at stake.

    Candice, I’m not sure that’s true.

    Kipstreg, That is a bright side. I guess.

    Ora, It was a port-o-john, so I doubt it.

    WeaselMomma, It didn’t feel too hospitable.

    Doug, That would’ve made my day, too, but he didn’t.

    Harris, I was wearing $1000 suit. He’s a dick for not taking my check.

    AvatG, I hope not!

    ChurchPunkMom, If she had, I wouldn’t post it here.

    FreeMan, You get the funniest comment award! Sorry to hear about your experience.

    SSG, It’s not near Athens. I’m not sure why such cities are in GA. And no, my cases aren’t that interesting.

    PrefersFantasy, What about my pants? Can the gov come there?

    Figurehead, Can’t wait!

    Brenda, She actually used to be a rock star, like 10 years ago.

    SuperDad, It is sad.

    Harlin, I camp sometimes! With Larry in Alaska. That’s about it.

    AvatG, Um, yes! That was the goal. I skipped work yesterday, too.

  22. wha…? who stumbled this? this isnt funny.

  23. All roads do not lead to Rome,GA…in fact, hardly any do.
    They don’t take checks and you don’t use their facilities, even if you dared. The barbeque is made to local tastes
    and is a 7 on the Slurpee scale. But, all in all, a nice tight, little slice of Americana or so my informants tell me.
    Count Sneaky

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.