the negotiator

During our aforementioned Memorial Day weekend trip, Pretty Bride and I shared a room with Baby.  Baby forgot that we’d moved into the Central time zone and awoke promptly at 0530 each morning, much to our alarm and fatigue.  Our first morning in the same room, she opened her eyes at 0525 and said, “Mommy?”  We lay motionless.  I figured if I thought, “go back to sleep” hard enough, she’d be quiet.  “Daddy?”  More playing ‘possum from Baby’s parents.  “Mommy!  Baby boo boo!”  A ploy to appeal to our sympathy.  More silence from Baby’s insensitive parents.  Baby grabbed her stuffed teddy bear, held it out over the fencing surrounding her crib by the back of its head.  Cold, hard tile lay 3 feet below.  “Mommy?”  Her voice was more grave this time.  “Oh no no no!”  Walnut the bear had been dropped to his death on the porcelein tile.  “Daddy?”  I raised my head.  Her stuffed elephant now hung by its neck in a visegrip of tiny hands.  “No!  Not the elephant!” I cried.  “Uh oh ay-fent” said Baby as the elephant dropped to its death.  Two innocent animals now lay as broken carcasses on the ground around her bed.  I got up and changed her diaper.  Baby had won, but at what cost?

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  1. Once is an event, twice is training.

    The time to use the Taser was during the telephone book incident. Now, you’re giving in to the terrorists.

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