Today’s presentation went well, I thought. It was actually quite fun. I showed up in lawyer garb and gave a quick summary of what I do and how I got to where I am, using the “tips” sheet provided by the school. For example, to the fifth graders, I told them that by the time I was where they are in school right now, I had yet to get my first B (i actually got some C’s in handwriting and conduct, but that’s irrelevant), so if any of them aspired to the life of shysterdom I enjoy, they might as well give up if they’ve already made a B.
I also mentioned how I got to be a military officer, and how it works that I am supposed to wear the uniform one weekend a month and a couple weeks during the summer, but that because we’re at war, my time in BDUs hasn’t exactly been that limited. Then I asked if anyone had questions. Here are a few of the questions I was asked by each group of students, broken down by grade:
Why do we go to war?
What was the most interesting trial you’ve had?
Where did you sleep in Iraq?
How long was the plane ride to Iraq?
Can the planes land somewhere secret and covered up?
Do y’all go to counseling or something for when you shoot a bunch of people for a long time and then come back and think you’re wanting to beat your wife?
If you use night vision glasses, isn’t everything green?
My brother got a video game where he wears a gas mask and dogs chase him for training–do you do that?
How long does it take to put on your uniform?
Why did you drop a bomb on Japan?
Weren’t children killed when the bomb was dropped on Japan?
Have you been shot?
Why would anyone want to be a lawyer?
How come y’all object all the time?
If my momma doesn’t like a man and gets another man to hurt him, will my momma go to jail?
Why do men get raped in jail?
Why did the President make a law that boys can’t hit girls?
Why do people go to jail?
Why do people steal?
Can I go to jail for lying?
If someone break into my house, do he go to jail?
How can someone break into a house anyway?
-another kid: my daddy just climb up the side o’ the house.
How come you got 2 jobs?
–another kid: ‘Cause he like money.