This evening, as I was changing young Owen’s diaper for the 1200th time or so since his arrival 2.5 years ago, I thought:
You know what? I haven’t been pissed on once! I am winning!
Did y’all know there’s actually a product call “Pee-pee Teepees” (trademarked, by the way) to prevent getting a golden shower from your spawn? Apparently, having little boys piss all over you when you’re changing their diapers is ALL THE RAGE these days.
When we first brought a baby boy into our home, I actually asked Pretty Bride if we needed one of these things.
She looked at me like I was an idiot.
I figured it was because she knew within a month or so we’d have to substitute a construction cone for the miniscule, destined-to-be-nothing-more-than-a-snow-cap-on-a-mountain Pee-pee Teepee (after all, he is MY son).
But, I might have been wrong.
Here’s where I’m not wrong, though: good little boys don’t give unsolicited golden showers. Felons do. I worry about those of y’all who are raising the next generation of perverts who believe they can fly.
My wife bought some of those. They can be moved with a forceful stream, causing the spread of the damage to increase ten-fold.
@SciFi Dad, I KNEW those things were worthless! Thanks for verifying my brilliant forethought.
I had those for my boy. They don’t work. Use a wash towel, much more effective and you already have a towel to finish the clean up at hand!
@Russ, Thanks for the tip, but the point of this post is that my boy doesn’t piss everywhere when he’s getting his diaper changed! I don’t get boys who do…if diapers are being changed when they’re full of urine, how is it that these little boys have more piss to shoot all over their parents? Do some parents leave their boys in full diapers for hours and hours, such that the boys’ bladders are full once again?
The world is evil.
I learned quickly, after being pissed on once, how to avoid it in the future.
(And – to clarify – I was pissed on by a baby boy – my friend’s kid. I just stopped changing his diaper. Haha)
@SL, The boy was showing his disdain for his mom’s friend. Clearly.
You would actually pay money to AVOID having young boys pee on you? Same city, different world.
@Grant, Ha! Different world indeed.
No sons. Never had need for one of these. However, those friends of mine who had sons preferred the diaper over the penis method to catch any unexpected showers.
@Surprised Mom, Our boy doesn’t piss on us. Clearly, your friends’ sons hate their parents.
Better to receive a Golden Shower than a Cleveland Steamer. Just sayin’…..
@Amy, That is a matter of opinion. An opinion I share, however.
This is quite useful advice, you know. I suggest you wander over to the Irische Berliner. He’s got a newborn baby boy, and they’re expecting the arrival of the lad’s first proper turd. I’m sure you can give him the benefit of your experience.
http://www.irishberliner.com/2011/03/bubbha.html
@The HH, Done! I’m a giver.
Our son did the peeing on us thing for the first month or two. Someone suggested we buy one. People will buy anything. Also? How am I supposed to guilt my son into not putting me in a nursing home if I don’t have a “you pissed all over me for two months, you little bastard” story? Seriously, talk about lack of foresight.
@faiqa, You are the brilliantest commenter I have.
You’ll be happy to hear normal service has been resumed! Thankfully he didn’t shit on either of us and no contraptions were needed.
@IB, Great!
I know for a stone cold fact that you have changed his diaper exactly nine times in his entire life. Nine times. NOT 1200.
Dude. I LOVE your wife!
@PB, I think I did it > 9 times this weekend.
You don’t need a damn Pee Pee TeePee to keep the kid from peeing on you. Just keep them covered with the soiled diaper until you get out the clean diaper. Then, do a VERY quick switcheroo, keeping him covered with the new diaper. The peeing occurs when you’ve got Mr. Wee-Wee uncovered for more than two seconds. Neither of our sons gave us golden showers. NOW, my daughter? She had some excellent aim. Yep, she actually got me once or twice.
@CMG, I’ve never heard of such from a girl! Thankfully, none of our brood (of either gender) has done this yet.
Sup Muskrat,
Pissed myself laughing at this one (pun, intended).
We got the pee-pee tee-pee as a gift with the birth of our boy. Thought you might like the post here:
http://thecheekydaddy.blogspot.com/2011/01/pee-pee-teepee.html
The YouTube video is pretty effin’ funny too.
Good to know that certain things go away with time. We’re in the thick of “MINE!” and CryFest 2011.
Keep the faith, Muskrat. We’re all behind you.
J.
@J Swann, That would make a great gag gift! There’s no way I’d actually use it, though.
That is the best (and worst) product name ever.
@rachael, It’s conflicting.
I’m buying some of these for the restroom at work.
@mocha dad, Just what a Texas office environment needs!