Actual emails from the past 10 minutes (I didn’t bother correcting typos and errors):
Me: We had a couple showings the past couple weekends. Any feedback?
My Realtor: Hi, I spoke to Debbie already and she let me know your place was too small for her clients. They make independent films and needed a bigger space to do green screen work. The agent thought it showed well and said it was a nice little house. She also liked the sewing area. In have not heard from the other agent yet. Mike
Sent from my iPhone
Me: That’s okay…pornographers probably have shitty credit anyway, since they never report their income and have raging coke habits. And where the hell do they get off calling it a “nice little house”? It’s not made of gingerbread. Fuckers (pun intended). What about the other showing?
My Realtor: The house was #4 on their list of the ones they liked. They buyers need to sell their house in Lagrange before they can do anything. They are also looking at newer construction further out where they can get more house for the money. They liked the privacy of the backyard and felt that they carpet needed to be replaced and the walls painted. Especially because of the crayons. They liked the space. The agent thought the price was still too high.
We really should look at bringing it down to get more traffic. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks, Mike
Sent from my iPhone
Me: My thoughts are that that sucks balls. I like the crayon marks on the walls–it’s why I won’t paint over them. You know, those walls are going to worth HUNDREDS of dollars one day when Maddie’s teaching art somewhere where all the kids smoke weed and the all the professors ride bikes to work. Lower the price again? We move it another $5k and we’re $100k from where we started. Can’t you reach deeper into your magic realtor hat and come up with something besides ‘bringing it (the price) down?’ Because that doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe we offer lease purchase? When does your contract end, anyway?
I’m still awaiting a response.