07.14a series of fortunate events
I never actually expected to have a trip to Hawaii count as “annual training” when I saw the email mentioning an opportunity to do just that about 6 months ago. But here I am. In Hawaii. Getting paid.
I arrived Friday afternoon after 10 hours next to a 25-year-old PhD student from Charleston who came for an Alzheimer’s conference; her name was Linnea. I called the duty controller at the base where I’m supposed to train and learned I was to show up at 0530 the next day. I walked over to Duke’s and had dinner and beers at the bar with another PhD student named Julian; he was from Switzerland. Linnea soon joined us, and the 3 of us continued until 9 (keep in mind that 9pm was 3am to my confused body).
The next day, my duties on base ended at 9am. That’s right. So I drove over to Hanauma Bay for some snorkeling and swimming.
Except for scraping my knees on some coral and getting sunburned in that spot a person can’t reach on his own back with sunscreen, it was a great afternoon (I thought about asking a stranger to put sunscreen on my back, but none of the scenarios in my head ended well, regardless of gender of the asked). Except for some reason, after I came back, I started getting lonely and walked several blocks down to where Pretty Bride and I went in 2008 after my last trip to Iraq. This was bittersweet, so I felt some sushi and Asahi beer were in order. I had several of both. When I woke up the next day, I realized I’d bought a shirt for my boy Owen and some of those Under Armour underbritches for myself. Oh yeah, and that I dropped $1000 at the Ralph Lauren store. On a sportcoat and sweater. Haven’t quite told the Mrs about that yet, so, moving on…
Sunday, I ran a couple miles down the beach at sunrise. I passed a homeless man, a very happy woman with her coffee, a couple in last night’s clothes who didn’t care about each other’s morning breath, a fisherman with his Lab puppy, some children who resented their parents’ waking them at 0530, and several surfers. Then, it was breakfast at Duke’s, where I became convinced that in Heaven, they will serve guava juice. I was supposed to report at 12:30, but it got pushed back to 3:30pm, so I sat on the balcony and read all afternoon before dinner at Roy’s, where I saw the lady next to me pour a bottle of Coors over ice and drink with a straw. I thought that my cue to leave.
The next day began at 0530 and ended by about 9. I thought it would be a good idea to drive an hour to a trail I’d read about on the internet. I walked through a church graveyard looking for the trailhead. No dice. Ran down a residential street past three very angry and protective pit bulls, stopping at where I thought the trail began. And I saw this:
Great. I returned the half a mile I’d run and started over. Finally, I found this:
I figured a “beginner” trail would be about 1-2 miles. It was 4. Up a mountain. And the trail was covered in roots and rocks. And I wore my most inappropriate shoes.
Once I got on the trail, I didn’t see another human. It was the most alone I’ve ever felt. At first, it was peaceful, until every fluttering bird made me wonder if 1) Hawaii has bears and 2) how long it would take someone to find my mauled body, since not a soul alive knew where the hell I was. So, with every painful step, I was afraid to cry out, for fear of a bear or puma finding me, and instead whimpered like a little hungry puppy. Because that’s what men do.
I finally made it to the top.
As soon as I got back down to the beach, I put my throbbing feet into the cool ocean. And I paused to take in the tranquil surroundings while berating myself for being such an unprepared, naive dumbass. It was nice.
Then I stopped by a park on the way back to the hotel.
Dinner was at the Yard House, where I talked to a kid named Robbie from California who’d traveled with his Mormon parents but broke away to guzzle some beers and smoke some cigarettes. I’m pretty sure Robbie was using a fake ID. He said “bro” a lot.
Today, I scheduled two activities from my “bucket list:” SCUBA dive and surf. First was the dive. I was pretty nervous about going underwater and relying on a metal cylinder to keep me alive, but I enjoyed it. My right ear wasn’t very cooperative with the whole “clearing” process every few feet, and when we came back up to the surface, the instructor told me he was close to giving up on me, but I finally got it to work. We saw several fish and a large eel. My leader, Greg, took several pictures that he’s sending me later.
I was not optimistic about being able to get up on a surf board, but I was wrong!
However, I did bust pretty badly on my very first attempt, landing in a reef. When I took off my shirt (see how I learned from the sunburn experience at Hanauma Bay?), I found a nice grouping of coral residue and blood:
That didn’t feel too good. The lesson was for an hour, and it was supposed to be a group class, but I was the only person who showed up, so, private lesson for me!
Tomorrow, I’m supposed to fly to Maui with one of the guys I met at the military base who has his private pilot’s license. I’m supposed to work in the evening after we get back.
So far, a great trip…I still can’t believe how lucky I am to be here. I’ve already initiated the process for coming back next year for more mission-essential training. It’s what our country needs.
Ah, I appreciate somebody who can make the most out of a work trip… that’s pretty much my whole life now.
Dave2´s last [type] ..Vincent
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 12:53 AM
@dave2, I can’t wait to do it again in August with you! Wait. That sounds inappropriate.
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July 14th, 2010 at 12:14 AM
Ah, so this is why you tweeted about coral. Lucky duck (for the trip, not the coral)
Amber Lee´s last [type] ..Go Listen
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:41 AM
@amber, Coral is evil and must be destroyed!
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July 14th, 2010 at 3:02 AM
Wait. There appeared to be about three minutes of actual work going on there. I hate you. (In a nice way.)
Kathy´s last [type] ..The Thing I Swore I’d Never Tell Anyone
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:42 AM
@Kathy, It was about 3 hours! Hours!
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July 14th, 2010 at 5:28 AM
Dude, I mean, DUDE.
This post should be part of the National Guard recruiting portfolio.
SciFi Dad´s last [type] ..Getting It Done
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:51 AM
@SciFi Dad, I agree!
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July 14th, 2010 at 6:21 AM
So help me God, you had better not be a “keep your hands off my money” Republican.
Also – a sweater and a sportcoat?!?! For $1,000???? Big. Trouble.
(Awesome job on the surfing!!)
Miss Britt´s last [type] ..Good thing I’m slightly less of a snot now!
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:52 AM
@Miss Britt, How about a “stop wasting my money” Libertarian?
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July 14th, 2010 at 6:25 AM
This was very nice. I enjoyed it a lot. I did recently go to a conference without the mister. It’s bittersweet all around. It wasn’t to a place anywhere near as nice a Hawaii, but.
Nice footage of you surfing too. Hee hee hee
very nice, very nice
Mrs. Hall´s last [type] ..I done whoop some butt update on yesterdays post
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:53 AM
@Mrs Hall, Glad you liked it!
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July 14th, 2010 at 7:29 AM
I repeat: you did WHAT at the Ralph Lauren store?!?!?!?!?!
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:53 AM
@PB, I asked my boss for a bonus, and he totally said “yes!”
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jade Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 5:52 PM
don’t forget, your ‘boss’ is pretty bride!
jade´s last [type] ..Dennis…the Menace
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July 14th, 2010 at 8:01 AM
You’re in Hawaii and you haven’t posted any pictures of hot Asian bunnies? Epic fail! Don’t come back until you rectify that.
Grant´s last [type] ..Edumacation
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 11:36 AM
@grant, I thought of you the first day I was here. This is your happy place, no doubt. So, you want me to walk up to a Japanese woman and say, “Hey, can I take your picture for my friend from the Internet?”
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Grant Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 1:26 PM
What do you mean “a” woman. Try to get an baker’s dozen at least. There’s serious money in it for you if you can get some of them to make out. Bonus points if they’re wearing Catholic schoolgirl outfits and bunny ears.
Grant´s last [type] ..Edumacation
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muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 3:32 PM
@Grant, I will do my best!
July 14th, 2010 at 9:43 AM
It looks like you’re having a blast. Thanks for the heads up on the hiking trail. We were checking into that site for our trip next week. I’ll be sure my pansy ass packs her tennis shoes!
Which outfitters did you go with for SCUBA and surf lessons?
[Reply]
muskrat Reply:
July 14th, 2010 at 3:34 PM
@Nancy, I highly recommend the “Oahu Revealed” tour book…it was written by some locals and now has a 3rd edition version. I used it in ’08 when we came for good places to eat, hike, and explore, but I left it at home this time on accident and can’t bring myself to drop $17 for a book I already own. So, I looked online for trails, which is fine, but the website doesn’t give great explanations of distance and difficulty. Enjoy your trip!
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July 14th, 2010 at 2:32 PM
You. Lucky. DOG.
That’s all I’ve got to say, except I hope the coral rash itches.
Because there needs to be some justice in this world.
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muskrat Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 2:38 AM
@CrazyMomTats, It stings a little. Feel better?
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July 14th, 2010 at 5:34 PM
Your run sounds great! My middle son is named Duke — I’m ordering him a hat and a t-shirt. Thanks for the link.
You should have posted a picture of your Ralph Lauren score…
Chris´s last [type] ..Tough Negotiator
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muskrat Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 2:39 AM
@Chris, You’re welcome. It’s a great restaurant/bar. I went back for b’fast today, in fact! Maybe in a subsequent post I’ll post the pics…
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July 14th, 2010 at 5:35 PM
Sounds like a rough trip:p
thepsychobabble´s last [type] ..This Week Not an Improvement
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muskrat Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 2:40 AM
@psychobabble, It is rough. Like satin rough.
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July 14th, 2010 at 10:29 PM
Oh, yeah? Well, I went to the splash park with the baby and got drenched in a pair of jeans. TOP THAT.
You suck.
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muskrat Reply:
July 15th, 2010 at 2:41 AM
@faiqa, Splash parks rule! You probably didn’t have to fly 10+ hours to get there, did you? See how you topped me? Maybe?
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July 14th, 2010 at 10:30 PM
Well, I looked online for trails, which is fine, but the website doesn’t give great explanations of distance and difficulty. Enjoy your trip! thanx.
Armando Codina´s last [type] ..Response cached until Fri 16 @ 16:17 GMT (Refreshes in 21.06 Hours)
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muskrat Reply:
July 18th, 2010 at 7:48 PM
@armando, Exactly.
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July 15th, 2010 at 1:13 PM
Those shoes are uncomfortable?? They look awesome! I guess the Hawaiian Bears didn’t get you?
I’ve never been, but don’t think I’d do all that stuff by myself…you go boy!
jade´s last [type] ..Dennis…the Menace
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muskrat Reply:
July 16th, 2010 at 12:15 PM
@jade, They’re awesome UNLESS walking on rocks and tree roots.
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July 15th, 2010 at 5:51 PM
I totally said “Muskrat booooo-tay” while watching you surf. Do not look at me in my shame.
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muskrat Reply:
July 18th, 2010 at 7:47 PM
@countessa *looks at your shame*
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July 16th, 2010 at 6:50 PM
Thanks for the heads up on the hiking trail. We were checking into that site for our trip next week. I’ll be sure my pansy ass packs her tennis shoes! thanx for the share.
Cindy´s last [type] ..BeQuick Welcomes Our Newest Developer
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muskrat Reply:
July 18th, 2010 at 7:49 PM
@cindy, You’re welcome…enjoy!
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July 17th, 2010 at 3:48 PM
Where’s the real post where you talk about the hookers and coke?
Avitable´s last [type] ..My comic geek boner is rising
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muskrat Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 9:23 PM
@avitable, It’s on my anonymous blog–at avitable.com!
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July 29th, 2010 at 12:17 PM
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