The last time I had tickets to a David Gray concert, the som’bitch got sick and canceled after Pretty Girlfriend flew down from her PhD program in Pennsylvania, and, having run out of ideas for entertainment with no concert to attend, we decided to get married and start repopulating the great state of Georgia.
We found ourselves, again, with David Gray tickets Saturday night. But here’s the rub: last time, he was slated to perform at the Fox, a rather classy old venue where Gone With the Wind opened. This time, it was at the Civic Center. Do you smell what I’m about to step in here? Not as classy.
Still, the performer, I figured, would attract a more sophisticated crowd, so I was sure all would be well in Muskratville.
Only it wasn’t.
When dude opened with some faster-paced songs on guitar, everyone stood and sang or clapped or smoked weed. But when he slid under the piano, folks started sitting. I didn’t want to sit, but I’m a pussyboy crowd-follower whose under-insured and with hungry children at home, so I sat. However, the two giant women two rows in front of us did not. I could still see. My bride could still see, so I didn’t really give a damn. But the Chesterfield-smelling trailer queen beside me cared. A lot.
She leaned her bulky body across the sitting persons in front of her, stretched out her right hand, and beat on the back of the girl on the right’s shoulder. They exchanged some words. Trailer Queen sat back down. The standers kept standing.
Yells of “sit down” and “down in front” and “chill concert, so sit” came from varying directions to my left and behind me.
But the fleshy monoliths continued their defiant stand.
Trailer Queen then did some serious outside-of-the-box thinking, grabbed a handful of popcorn, and threw it at the back of the fleshy monoliths. At this point, I braced myself for a scrap and, naturally, put it on Twitter:
Throwing popcorn at her back will not make a large woman sit down. In case you were wondering. 9:47 PM Apr 10th via Tweetie
This too failed to make them sit. It did bring some exchanged “f” bombs, though. Then, the popcorn tosser tapped my shoulder.
Trailer Queen: Hey, how does he look?
Me:
Trailer Queen: HOW DOES HE LOOK? CAWS I WOOD-ENT KNOOOOW!
Me (deadpan): Dreamy. I’d totally lick his bottom if these seats were closer.
Trailer Queen (shifting in her seat and leaning away from me now):
A woman in front of us tapped the angry monoliths’ shoulders, whispered something to one, smiled, and they actually sat down. I cringed in anticipation of the clapping and “Finally!” eruptions that came fewer than five seconds later.
Luckily, Trailer Queen had only come to hear “Babylon,” so she left right after it finished.
The rest of the show was dreamy. I would’ve licked his bottom if the seats were closer.
****
Friday night, I totally hung out with Bossy and friends! See how happy we are? Blogging friends are way more considerate than are concert attenders who happen to have nearby seats.
You fail to mention the funny-looking dude next to me farting up a storm the whole show, or the flighty girls behind us passing their phones back and forth and chit-chatting the whole time. Yikes. I’ve never seen such a rude audience–good thing he was awesome and distracted me from the nutty crazies.
@PB, Yeah. I got sleepy and decided to stop writing.
So wait, the funny looking farter dude was “awesome”? How did you ascertain this? Weren’t you on a “date” with your HUSBAND, the FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN?
Muskrat: I think you need to explore this matter further, and then find someone with good insurance and/or no children to find and bury the funny looking farter dude lest he steal your lady.
.-= SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Sorry =-.
@scifi dad, I am so thankful for your observations here. I will investigate.
Sounds like an “awesome” concert . . . that’s why I don’t attend them. Last time I attended I was . . . no, it was . . . oh nevermind. The”best” concert experience happened with Led Zeplin. An idiot blew up a bunch of firecrackers–indoors, pissed off the band, which sang 1.5 songs and left the stage. An announcement came on that the concert was cancelled because the lead singer was sick. All in all, a night to be missed.
.-= SurprisedMom´s last blog ..Happy Anniversary to Me . . . Late as Uusal =-.
@surprised mom, I love going to concerts but only make 3-5 now that we have babies. Sorry about your Led Zeppelin experience!
Careless creatures create consternation, ‘corn chucking, chit-chatter. Civic center concert continues. Congrats.
@avatgardener, Cunts!
I love David Gray. I’m surprised that his was a concert that would attract other than the NPR supporting and Prius driving folk, though. I always associate his music with pledge drives and sustainable hemp shopping bags.
.-= Shieldmaiden1196´s last blog ..Fecal Matters =-.
@shieldmaiden, Me too! I think it was because we were in row CC and because the venue isn’t as nice as others where I would expect to see him.
So. You’re telling me that you have small children that you left at home and you went to a concert.
THIS IS ALLOWED?!!
(I’m kidding. Obviously. Good for you and I hate you for all the fun you had.)
Actually, concerts annoy the crap out of me. I’d rather sit home in my pajamas and listen to a CD in my living room while throwing popcorn at the back of my kid’s head screaming, “Down in front!!”
And I will keep telling myself that until my mother agrees to watch my baby for more than three hours.
@faiqa, If you have a live-in babysitter, yes, it’s allowed and encouraged. Especially if the venue for the show is < 3miles from the house.
I have no idea who David Gray.
Does this mean I’m not sophisticated?
.-= Miss Britt´s last blog ..Breaking the cycle. Finally. =-.
@miss britt, What? I’m appalled. You should give him a chance!
I just miss living in a place where there are decent concerts! And by decent concerts: I want a good sized coffee shop and or for the time and money to drive down to the Tennessee Theatre
.-= Amber Lee´s last blog ..Things I Love =-.
@amber lee, If you’ll drive >200 miles to see Bossy, perhaps you can do the same for a concert, right? Am I right?
Fellow bloggers are infinitely more considerate than what you experienced. Unless neither one of you knows you are each bloggers. OMG! What if Trailer Queen AND the rude blockers were both bloggers? Oh dear, if only they’d known. They could have been so much nicer so much sooner.
Oh my God, what’s going to happen when Osama Bin Laden finds out that America is a blogger? Will we no longer be considered infidels?
.-= Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog ..Goat Thing of the Day: Landscapers for Hire =-.
@nanny goats, If they were bloggers, they weren’t the nice kind. Nor are they humor bloggers.
Concerts with colorful audiences are the best- except for when you “actually” want to hear the concert! No cat fight though? Times like this are like watching a traffic accident; you don’t want it to happen but you can’t turn away.
.-= Jason @ The Devoted Dad´s last blog ..Daddy’s Kids =-.
@Jason, I was afraid to look, actually. I didn’t want to be called to the stand as a witness.
Who the fuck is David Gray?
.-= Avitable´s last blog ..Swordless Sunday =-.
@avitable, google him. he’s good.
David Gray’s a dick weevil, so you didn’t miss much. What I did want to say, however, is that the Fox is my favourite venue anywhere in the world. So, bummer that you ended up at the shithole of a civic center.
.-= A Free Man´s last blog ..No I’m never, no I’m never, no I’m never gonna let you down now =-.
You the man.
.-= BOSSY´s last blog ..Bossy’s Ear Worm =-.