12.28why can’t you just keep your penis pump out of my christmas deposition? hell.
One of my clients lives in rural Alabama, not too far from my parents, so I had the opposing attorney schedule his deposition on the 23rd, so that I could write off the miles I would have driven anyway for Christmas, because I love baby Jesus and hate paying taxes, despite receiving a little bit of them back every time I put on a uniform for two days each month.
My client was talking about his back and his fusion surgery and how he needed another fusion surgery but the insurance company won’t pay for it, and then all of a sudden the defense counsel asked if he’d seen any other doctors in the past 5 years and he busts out with:
deponent: “Well, when my prostate was acting funny and I kept pissing myself, I saw a urologist who gave me a penile implant or penis pump or something for my penis and now that I have this something on my penis, everything’s okay, but before, it was crooked–you know how a penis can kind of get crooked?
female defense attorney:
deponent: “Well anyway, when my penis got all crooked and I started pissing all sideways and all over my side and couldn’t get erected, well this doctor, he stuck a pros-thee-sis thing on my penis and next thing I know I got a new penis top and it seems to work just fine now!”
me (noticing the apparent discomfort in opposing counsel and marveling at the number of times I’ve just heard ‘penis’ during a deposition that should not involve penises): “Can you describe the sideways lean for us?”
Because I like to help opposing counsel take a thorough deposition.
Thanks for a much needed laugh! : )
Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog ..What Are The Holidays Like At 24’s House?
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:26 am
@24 at Heart, You’re welcome. I’m a giver.
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December 28th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I always wonder if things like this happen up North or only in the Southern states
And I just need to say “Go Bama!!” I can’t believe there’s still 10 days to the game…
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
@Debbie, Roll Tide indeed! I think we’re a little more crass (but genteel) down here, but I could be wrong.
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December 29th, 2009 at 12:50 am
prosecutor prompts person’s penis picture. Praise, protective pervert!!!
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avatgardener Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 8:03 am
That would by you, M/R; our protective pervert. BTW, that was quite a run-on sentence the first paragraph. I liked it!!!
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:27 am
@avatgardener, Thanks? Sometimes I gotta break the rules.
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December 29th, 2009 at 8:02 am
I think your response was the appropriate action to take at that time.
Windsor´s last blog ..Fighting in the bed
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:28 am
@windsor, As do I.
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December 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
HA! that’s awesome.
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
@elle, Is it? You obviously don’t have a penile implant.
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elle Reply:
December 30th, 2009 at 8:35 am
maybe not the implant part! your response, however…
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December 29th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Poor guy. “Couldn’t get erected.” I bet this session was a lot more entertaining than you’d anticipated.
JD at I Do Things´s last blog ..I Wish You a JD Christmas so you don’t have to
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
@JD, Much more horrifying, actually.
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December 29th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Nice. Way to step up and be a professional.
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
@nancy, That’s how I roll. I don’t even need a step.
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December 29th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I’m certain Jesus is smiling. You being all “helpful” and all to the opposing counsel. Hope you had a nice Christmas with your family.
Chris´s last blog ..Up In Smoke
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muskrat Reply:
December 29th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
@chris, Thanks! I think He is for sure.
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December 29th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
I’m surprised you didn’t ask him to show y’all – not because you *want* to see medically enhanced redneck manjunk but to totally freak out that defense attorney. Shoulda asked for “before” and “after” pics, too. Heh. I’m a sick monkey.
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Muskrat Reply:
December 30th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@countessa, That IS sick, but brilliant.
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December 30th, 2009 at 3:25 am
This was funny when you came home and told it the first time, but I think your shock and horror were inhibiting the humor. Way funnier this time, with direct quotes. Maybe I ought to have you record these things for later playback??
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Muskrat Reply:
December 30th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
@pretty bride, I can order the transcript for you if you’d like. Perhaps I’ll post it on here, so folks won’t think I make this shit up.
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unfinishedrambler Reply:
January 1st, 2010 at 11:47 am
I think you should do a vlog…
…but that doesn’t mean we want to see your naked ass. Well, at least, not the male readers…well, I should say, at least, not the male heterosexual readers like myself.
Happy New Year to you and the fam.
unfinishedrambler´s last blog ..I pledge…allegiance…to uphold…aw, screw it…I don’t know…something something…2010
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muskrat Reply:
January 5th, 2010 at 12:21 pm
@UR, That’s a great idea! I’ll do a special private one just for you. Like Tina Turner does–the private dancer.
December 30th, 2009 at 10:04 am
Sometimes I think you just make shit up, but then it doesn’t really matter cause I laugh out loud. True or not.
A Free Man´s last blog ..And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere and gie’s a hand o’ thine
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muskrat Reply:
January 5th, 2010 at 12:22 pm
@Free Man, I wish were creative enough to make this shit up, but alas, I’m not. You’ll never see a blog post from me touting the new novel I’ve written!
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January 5th, 2010 at 6:38 am