Family

on father’s day

baby at the lake

Apparently, if you have a blog and sometimes metion your having little creatures in your house that resulted from a druken few minutes in your closet during a party at your house, then you’re supposed to write a post about fatherhood on Father’s Day.  At least, that’s what the good daddy bloggers do.  After commenting on a good example of such, I figured I should do a little typing of my own.

Aspects of fatherhood I have enjoyed over the past few years:

-Bringing my daughter to work, showing her off to everyone, placing her in my Herman Miller chair and taking funny “look at the adorable little future lawyer” pictures, only to have her then piss all over it (and the carpet).

-Getting a call from my neighbor, a detective with the Atlanta Police Dept, and finding out my daughter is in his yard and naked, just in case I was looking for her.  Meanwhile, I’m upstairs with the infant and have no idea she’s cable of opening doors on her own.

-Getting a call from the preschool about my daughter’s habitual yelling, “Oh shit!” when she drops things.  At least it was used in the correct context.

-Watching our 5-year-old black dog, Winnie, develop gray hair on her face from her regular hazings games like “cover the dog in jelly” or “teach the dog to slide down stairs” or “jump on Winnie from the sofa” or “feed Winnie small plastic people via her asshole.”

-Holding on to her inevitably fleeting belief that our house is a castle, that she’s its princess, and that I’m her prince.  And that every fairy tale ends with, “and then she went on to lawschool and practiced with Prince Daddy for ever and ever.”

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13 Comments

  1. Hahahaha! I laughed the entire time… best Father’s Day post ever. 🙂
    .-= Faiqa´s last blog ..A Token For Your Thoughts =-.

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  2. My dad was a lawyer and he had six princesses, no princes. Not one of us became a lawyer. I think that’s because he never took us to his office and let us piss all over his chair and carpet. You may have determined your daughter’s career right then and there.
    LMAO at your post. It’s called the reality of parenthood.
    .-= SurprisedMom´s last blog ..Happy Father’s Day! =-.

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  3. It doesn’t get “realer” than that, especially the dog/plastic men reference.

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  4. Happy belated Father’s Day to you, sir.

    (Also? Aren’t those the chairs that are all mesh so your ass sweat doesn’t soak into the the butt part? Yeah, I thought so. Why complain about the pee then? It’s like she took a leak in a colander.)
    .-= SciFi Dad´s last blog ..Father’s Day* Is… =-.

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  5. Doting Dad describes delicious days, darling daughter’s deeds, dog’s dejection, domicile deceptions. Damn, dude, dynamite data!!

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  6. Faiqa, Thanks…that’s a helluva compliment, given the competition.

    Surprised Mom, Thanks! Six princesses? That’s terrifying.

    Chris, I like to keep it real, you know.

    SciFiDad, You’re brilliant! Yes, that’s the one, but I still had to wipe it up and do the “air chair” for the next hour while trying to work.

    AvatGardener, I like to think everything I write is “dynamite data,” but I think we both know it isn’t.

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  7. That day they learn to open doors all by themselves is a sad day, but thank God my kids had clothes on at the time.
    .-= Sue´s last blog ..The Huge Favor =-.

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  8. Shoving plastic toys up the dog’s chocolate whiz-whang? Wow. That’s talent. I know you’re so very proud. 🙂
    .-= Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..You Say You Want a Revolution =-.

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  9. How is it possible that I’ve never come across your blog before? It’s awesome. In fact, it’s so good that I’m sending the link to my husband to show him that cool lawyers can, and in fact, should blog.
    Thanks for the laughs.

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  10. After the dog incident, I would say your kids are more likely to end up being “adorable little future proctologists” than lawyers. Just saying.
    .-= Jeff´s last blog ..Best tasting bands? =-.

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  11. So what you’re really saying is that Winnie takes it up the ass?

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  12. I pee on my Herman Miller chair all the time. Keeps it nice and supple.
    .-= Avitable´s last blog ..My interview with Ed McMahon =-.

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  13. Man the dogs really take it up the ass when kids arrive don’t they? Oh, wait, you said that.

    Happy Father’s Day, belatedly, and you know, coolly.
    .-= A Free Man´s last blog ..I’m the root of all that’s evil, yeah, but you can call me cookie =-.

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