There are few endeavors at which I do not excel. Precious few. Poker, however, is one of them. I was pretty good in undergrad (read: lucky) and won some cash off several friends who drank more than I did, but now that everyone but me has been watching it on TV every week and actually knows some strategy, I comparatively suck.
So, when six lawyers got together after some client visits Thursday night to play, I was the first one out. Including the girl right out of school who had this sitting in her lap:
I’d had a few drinks when I decided to break the silence the other players were sharing with this conversational start:
“Do any of y’all ever think about what your identity would be if you were a pro wrestler?”
Me: What about you, Rob (Rob played college football)? Surely you’ve given it a thought?”
Me: “Well, I’ve given this a LOT of thought, and I think I’d be THE SHYSTER. I’d come out in a tight suit like a stripper or something–you know, velcro in all the right places–and my manager would follow behind me carrying a giant plastic screw. We’d both scream at the crowd, ‘Who’s gonna get screwed by THE SHYSTER tonight?’ Then, I’d rip off the suit and put on a Cherokee warrior headband. I think I’d do well, after the ‘roids started kicking in.”
Everyone Else (mouths agape):
Rob: “I think you’ve drunk enough… I’m going to give you some more chips, so that you can go back to playing poker.”
Me: “And I think y’all are a bunch of damned turds.”
Little do they know that their apathy will only fuel my desire to become THE SHYSTER. And they will pay. Oh yes, they will pay.
If there’s a place I can go and be appreciated for my long term dreams, it’s with the writers of these funny blogs!
We do appreciate you, despite my snarky comments on Twitter. Really do love the artwork. Did you do that when you were drunk too? 😉 (At any point, you want to say F-you to me, feel free.)
Why the headdress exactly? Why not batter them with your briefcause? Trounce them with your torts. Obliviate them with your objections.
I can keep going.
potted power-thinker ponders Pro-wresler pseudonym. Presumes pose-ing, prance-ing, pounce-ing in pantyhose, to populations. Postulating pauses poker players. Pay-back? perhaps.
cdv, the alliteration is mine. back off!! 🙂
although those are nicely done.
UR, I could never do that to you. You’re one of my few consistencies around here.
FreeMan, The headdress is rediculous, just like this post. I should’ve stopped with the action figure, but I couldn’t.
AvatG, The alliteration made me LOL. I wouldn’t threaten cdv, though–he lives in the Outback (the real one, not the wanna be steak place)!
I should have been at this poker game because I have given this considerable thought [I really have] and my name would be Masta Disasta. It would involve me wearing a cape because I am fascinated by people who wear capes.
In fact, most of 2006 was spent only answering to Masta Disasta. My MySpace profile had that name, so you know it’s THE REAL DEAL.
Oh boy, don’t quit your day job. Reminds me of my ‘secret’ desire to take Keith Jackson’s place on ABC College football.
Is blogging a cool thing yet? Because if it is, I totally want to be “The Blogrrr” – And I would talk trash all day about my opponents on Twitter.
I can’t stop laughing! love it..love it..
ps – you need new friends..friends who can at least laugh at that awkward, cricket filled silence if nothing else, damn.
I’ve actually thought about this too. Well, I’ve thought about what my Mexican wrestling name might be. I would be “The Tijuana Tickler.”
I think “The Shyster” is a solid name. I don’t know what they were talking about, plus if the wrestling thing doesn’t work out, you could always transition to gay porn…using the catchphrase “I’m going to sue your pants off”…at which time you would remove the other parties pants.
Sherri, I am damned glad to learn I’m not alone in these thoughts and dreams. You should’ve been there!
Harlin, I think we’ve all wanted that gig. Those of us who are straight, at least.
BusyDad, I don’t think your idea would intimidate anyone. Sorry, dude.
ThatGirl, Yeah, no sense of humor at all. I wouldn’t call them “friends;” we just work at the same office.
AcornKing, Of course you have. I would expect nothing less from you. Gay porn? WTF?
Rickey has long yearned to become the shyster! Primarily so that he can “us them down” at all opportunities…
BWAHAHAHA! Uh, I mean, yeah! Great name!
You know, all great villains always have a hot chick with them
AK, I love it. You sound like some sort of high-end vibrator.
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