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my mancave brings all the boys from the yard

I just totally got called out by a hot Mommy Blogger who asked if I have a mancave and whether, inside said mancave, there lies any relic from my single days that my wife dislikes.  Only a pussyboy who sits to pee during the middle of the night in response to his overactive, frightened bladder doesn’t have a mancave.  And do we really want to hear from such an individual?  No.  We do not.

I have the most glorious mancavce of any non-rapping, non-football-playing, non-basketball-playing, white guy I know.  That sentence is rife with redundancy, so I’ll restate:  my mancave kicks ass, for someone who’ll never be featured on MTV Cribs.

Why?  First, it was paid for in blood money.  Since I don’t have the luxury of having anyone film, or buy tickets to see, me perform in my profession, I had to save up tax free earnings from a trip to Iraq to finish the basement where it lives.  What’s more satisfying than having a beer and watching two TV’s on a Saturday while surrounded by drywall, floor planks, tile, and electronics purchased with money that would normally be used to buy the fuel cap on a F-22?  Nothing I can write about on this family-friendly blog, that’s for sure.

Second, it has a wet bar:

Third, it has the most comfortable sofa on which my weary drunk ass has ever plopped:

And therein lies the rub.  Pretty Bride is not a fan of the Natuzzi leather sofa I bought with my signing bonus from IBM 11 years ago when I got my first job out of undergrad.  Of course, Pretty Bride also hates puppies, rainbows, unicorns, and ice cream.  So, I ignore her opinions on Italian leather and the wonders it does my backside every Saturday.

But, if Bill Me Later wants to reward our disagreement with some loot to give salve to the conflict, who am I to protest?  And if The Parent Bloggers Network can pick us as winners to receive new duds for the mancave, I suppose I can always move the sofa to the front porch, right?  This is my natural habitat.  Don’t take that which completes me away!

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25 Comments

  1. Pingback: Blog Blast: See What’s in My Man Cave and Bill Me Later | The Parent Bloggers Network

  2. Pretty Bride will NEVER let you move it to the front porch. Just my prediction. The cave does rock!

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  3. *roll of eyes* (yes, the astricks make me so uncool..the fact I can’t spell astricks..even more uncool)

    Men! Wha’eva….

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  4. I think Pretty Bride will let the couch be moved to the front porch once she realizes that it will be snatched up immediately by the luckiest (and quickest) gentleman of good taste out there. My brother lives in Buford (absolutely NOT a fact I boast about… “Buford” sounds as about redneck and county sheriff to my California ears as “grits”). He could be at your place with his pickup (of COURSE he has a pickup) in a heartbeat. Bro would be mighty proud to have that awesome divan for HIS lair!
    PS – Going to stop at Home Depot after work to get some red paint.

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  5. Muskrat’s man-cave (Maroon? Merlot?) makes men maudlin. Many memorabilia make minus the madness of military missions.

    (think about it)

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  6. I really do hate unicorns.

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  7. Fuschia finish and furniture frustrate fair-one. Fella’s fanny fine.

    (fair-one = PB)

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  8. It will make a lovely storage room when PB finally casts you out.

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  9. And wouldn’t this be a muskcave?

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  10. Dude, I’m fucking jealous of your man cave. Living in a city where space is so limited, I think I’d be happy with a man closet.

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  11. Pingback: Mom, Can I Keep Him? - Club BK Blog Blast This Weekend (Plus, Last Weekend’s Winners, and the World Egg Day Winner!) | The Parent Bloggers Network

  12. MetroDad, I don’t want to know how happy you can be in a “man closet.”

    Sarah, You’re right. That’s why they’re all extinct–VD.

    Always Home-Gladly! AL v. UT is Saturday…come on over!

    Staghounds, It would be a muskcave–good eye. And I’m hoping to NOT be cast out any time soon.

    AvatG, I do get it…good alliteration once again!

    BillS, I don’t welcome anyone from Buford into my yard, much less my mancave! Sorry. Glad you’re getting the paint-it’s Ralph Lauren Relay Red.

    Lisa, my asterisks are giving the bird right now.

    Bill L, I think you’re right. But we’d fit in w/ the boys in this ‘hood.

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  13. Congrats on your win! That’s a SERIOUS man-cave!

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  14. I’m liking the man cave, I must say. You know, Milkshake caused me some shuffle shame not too long ago. I had my ipod on some serious shuffle and was busted getting jiggy with it at work when Kelis began belting out that hideous song.

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  15. I’m so jealous of your mancave. My mancave is my office, what my wife calls my “literary mancave”– nowhere near as cool.

    And when did your blog become your “family-friendly”? I must have missed that somewhere.

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  16. I’ve enjoyed several nights in the muskcave, and I can tell all that it is truly a sight to behold. Never have I had a finer venue in which to view UA football. Never. (other than Bryant-Denny Stadium) My mancave is my apt. Looking to improve that soon.

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  17. “Man Cave” was a term invented by the HGTV network. Find out the real deal at http://www.themantuary.com

    Be A Man.

    – The Founding Father

    [Reply]

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  20. Pingback: Father Muskrat » pimpin’ out snow white

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  23. I recently wrote an essay on a similar thematic but I see some nice points listed here that I miss in my essay, “ask for change” for example. I really like this one

    [Reply]

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