This is a hard question for me to answer, as I wrestled in highschool like Andrew, got in trouble with the law a few times like Bender, participated in academic clubs like Brian, looked surprisingly pretty in makeup like Allison, and “never did it!” like Claire.
Given a mandate to pick just one, however, I’d have to go with Brian. Not because I failed to build a working ceramic elephant lamp in shop class or because I brought a flare gun to school, but because I was small, slightly nerdy, and often quietly observant like he was. When the principal miscalculated the number of detentions Bender had earned, and Brian corrected him, I saw myself verbally jousting with my Biology teacher over whether my “reproduction” poster was inappropriate or not. When the other four students paired off in spontaneous infatuation, and Brian was left with his well-crafted essay and self-administered pats on the back, I recalled the many, many Saturdays I spent solo at movies or restaurants with one or two couples. Plus, I liked to wear Wayfarers when smoking weed.
By way of background, I didn’t see this movie until a few weeks after I’d graduated highschool. It had an “R” rating, and I grew up with strict parents who, I’m fairly certain, would have embraced the Fascist party a few decades prior. So, when I did catch it on TBS one day during the summer of ’93, I was moved. And when Bender thrust his gloved fist into the air to signal the credits’ beginning and the Simple Minds’ telling us whom not to forget, I was determined to not be forgotten either.
The theme music carried me out of my parents’ house and into the woods across the street where I’d spent the past 10 years building forts and playing hide-and-seek. I pulled out my pocket knife, located the giant oak tree on which I’d carved my name right after “graduating” from elementary school in 1987, found a bare spot much higher than my previous entry (and all the other neighborhood kids’ entries), and carved my name again, followed by “1993.” If carving my name into the largest tree in the neighborhood’s wooded playground isn’t something Brian would do, well then give the notebook to someone else and kick me in the balls. But I think we both know that’s not going to happen, don’t we?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBytH7ljp3c]
All that being said, however, there really is only one way to answer the posed question in the subject line above:
Dear Backpacking Dad, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club.
Now, gimme the f*ckin’ notebook. And vote for me at humor-blogs! Lest I make more threats.
70% Brian, 30% Andrew here. Polos-collar up, docksides-no socks, khakis, concert t-shirts, colored socks, TIGHT Levi’s, and jeezzz, how can I forget my SOLID black Swatch with guard????
movie montage makes ‘mazing memories. movie meant much, maybe more to millions.
message? misfits match.
(I was the janitor)
I was Andrew I guess..popular enough – but not an asshole about it like Claire..I guess I’ve got a little Brian in me – made the good grades and over-analyzed things…oh, and I would have jumped Bender’s bones..so, does that make me Claire? I don’t think so – I wouldn’t have been quite so emotional about it.
MAN, Bender was hot..I’ll be thinking about this all day..sigh.
85% Andrew, 10% Allison, 5% Bender.
I identify most with John Cusack–who wasn’t it it. But should have been.
I like the percentages y’all are giving…wish I’d thought to do that instead of just picking one!
Harlin, That’s how you look now. Why assign it to your old self?
AvatG, You would’ve made a great Carl, I’m sure.
ThatGirl, I can’t really comment on his hotness, but I liked what happened when he spilled paint in the garage. That’s totally how I plan to discipline my kids, too.
Figurehead, I remember your ass back in the day. Try 95% Allison.
Meg, I agree!
The Brians of the world were my friends. I was that one girl that was permitted to hang out in the AV office and had my own set of D & D dice in a faux velvet drawstring bag in my purse. I had friends across all categories though; kids weren’t as rigidly separate in my school as they seem to be in the movie.
I identify most with Brian, I admit, and not just because my real name is Bryan. Of course, I wrestled in ninth grade (always looking up at the lights), had dandruff like Allison and never did it either like Claire, but Brian was such a dweeb– and yeah, that’s what I was too.
Great link to The Wonder Years, by the way. Great episode. I used to watch that show on cable a few years ago (and it always brought tears to my eyes– hey, what can I say? I went to a Kenny G concert too).
ShieldMaid, Glad we would’ve been friends! Our school actually wasn’t that delineated, either.
UnfinishedRam, You love the “Years,” too?! I knew you were a good fellow. I believe I’ve talked its being my favorite TV show on my “100 things” post or maybe that “meme from Avitable” post. Don’t recall.
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I would say Andrew Mccarthy, who also wasn’t in it, but should have been. I believe that this is one of your best posts.
The tree-carving really is perfect.