Gratuitously offensive

to the toilet talkers, quit wasting your time

Apparently, I wear memorable shoes, because my male colleagues seem to have no trouble knowing that I’m in the bathroom stall when they walk in to use the facilities. For some reason, they feel the need to show off their recognizing my shoes, and they try to strike up conversations with me while I’m in there. Do they not know there’s a soundproof bubble surrounding bathroom stalls? It’s like the opaque-from-the-outside glass in my car that allows me to anonymously pick my nose or drink beer on I-75.

I never respond to words directed at me through the bathroom stall. Instead, I stay in there til Captain Talkative gets out, and then I walk back to my office via a more circuitous route and act like I’m on the phone.

In addition to the regular coworkers who do it, I’ve also had strangers talk to me while in the stall.  The content was quite different, however.  I’ll provide an excerpt below.  This conversation occurred about five years ago at the Mick’s in Underground Atlanta.

Restroom patron: Oh my God. Dude, you gotta do something about that.
Restroom patron: Hey! Dude in the black shoes! Can you hear me?
Restroom patron: F*ck, man! Put some water on that shit, man! I’m about to choke in here!!!
Me: (stifling laughter)

As soon as I was finished, I ran out of the restroom and went up the bar and placed myself such that the bar was between the restroom and me. My shoes were hidden.  I dropped my head and talked to the peanuts until my talkative (and sickly) new friend left.

If you like making friends (or enemies) in the restroom, give props to Muskrat on this funny blog!

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  1. I think you’re completely missing out. Us women LOVE to chit chat and shit shat at the same time. It makes us feel like productive multi-taskers. The problem is you men are single-taskers. 😉

  2. That post cracked me up, loved the conversation in the stalls. I once worked with a guy that loved to talk to me at urinal, did I mention that he was hard of hearing and had to read lips? Awkward.

  3. If someone tries to talk to me while in a stall, I say loudly, NO THANKS, I DON’T GO THAT WAY. It usually embarasses them into silence

  4. i think there should be some sort of device in the stalls that can stun the talking offender! funny post, love the sarcasim!

  5. People don’t talk to me while in the stall but I did overhear a very interesting convo between two ladies that didn’t know I was there. It seems one was going through menopause and losing pubic hair by the dozen.

    Who knew??

  6. Things have changed apparently for the muskrat. There was a time that he was very chatty in the bowels of a certain “sales center” in Smyrna. I believe he once offered me a roll of toilet paper under the wall we shared pooping double-barrel one day. And for everyone to know, he used to carry a manila folder w/ a magazine in it to the john. Very sneaky.

  7. Jim Bob,
    There’s no reason to disclose habits from 1997 on this forum. No reason at all.

    Now, I bring my blackberry and read humor-blogs!

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