Gratuitously offensive Growing up

promotion sunday

Remember when you were a youngster and, during the summer at Sunday School, the church would decide you were actually in the grade you were scheduled to start the upcoming fall?  It was called “Promotion Sunday.”  But what happened to the kids who’d failed the previous school year?  Did God allow them to progress with the Sunday School class, even if the state’s school system had deemed them unfit for the next grade level?  Do Sunday Schools ever fail kids?  I know from experience that in the Baptist church, we used to send failures to the nearest Mormon tabernacle, where they stayed forever, never to be on the path towards Heaven again.  We were glad to trim the fat.

Conversations went like this:

SS teacher: Sorry, Johnny, you can’t even recite John 3:16 yet, and you still think the Apocrypha is part of the King James Bible.  God doesn’t want you in the 6th grade next year, and neither do I.
Johnny:  But, I went to choir practice once.  And I didn’t pee in the pool during that Vacation Bible School trip to Brother Glenn’s house!
SS teacher:  Yes, well, those are certainly behaviors we encourage, but they’re hardly indicative of Biblical learning.  I think you’ll enjoy another year of Sunday School with the 5th Graders.  Maybe this year, you won’t tell the class that Peter “really f’d those dudes up” when he cut off a man’s ear the night of Jesus’ arrest.
Johnny:  Yes’m.  Can’t I just join the JV team–I mean the LDS Sunday School?

And off he’d go to learn about Brigham and Joseph and Heisman trophy-winning quarterbacks.

I say all this because yesterday was Promotion Sunday in our family.  After a couple birthdays, Tween has now become Teen, and Baby has now become Toddler.  Future Baby is still Future Baby.  Please make a note of it.
God loves funny blog posts.  See?

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  1. You have to admit, though, that Peter really did f— those dudes up.

  2. I have to echo Evil Diesel here, Peter f-cked him up pretty good.

    That’s what you get for speaking truth to power.

  3. summer clearance

    Speaking of Mormons, I learned about the “Mormon holy undergarments” yesterday. Skeptical, I googled it. It’s true.

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