Gratuitously offensive Movies

where have you gone, GySgt Hartman? our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

Dad Gone Mad had this clip on his blog recently, and it brought back some fond memories.  I remember my younger brother’s reciting this entire clip from memory when we were in high school.  I recall thinking that when I was in ROTC and would head off to Lackland AFB in July to go through my 4-week Field Training that Gunnery Sergeant Hartman or his ilk would be our trainers, our demotivators, the bane of our existence.  I was disappointed.  The military has become much too “kinder, gentler” to allow the profanity, racial epithets, and violence this scene portrays in its basic training nowadays.  I think I was in better physical shape before I left than I was when I got back.  In some ways, I think it’s made us weaker.  I’m certainly not saying I would enjoy going through what these guys went through, but I do think I’d be glad I did once I’d arrived on the other side of it.  Sort of like war (at least, that was my father’s advice before my first trip to Iraq.  He was right).

This clip also makes me wonder:  what would GySgt Hartman say to me if I were standing there with Pvt Joker and Pvt Snowball.  Where are my obvious flaws?  Here’s a theory…

GSH:  What’s your name, asshat?
MD:  Sir, Mac Daniels, Sir!
GSH:  Mac Daniels?  Was your father an alcoholic?
MD:  Sir No Sir!
GSH:  Bullshit!  I’ll bet he downed a handle of Beam every Sunday afternoon during the NASCAR race! Where you from, Private?
MD:  Sir Tennessee Sir!
GSH:  Holy dog shit!  Were your parents siblings?
MD:  Sir No Sir!
GSH:  Bullshit!  I’ll bet your drunken Daddy decided at a young age that walking across the trailer park was too difficult, so he walked across the hall.  From now on, your name is Private Habsburg!  Do you like that name, Private Habsburg?
MD:  Sir No Sir!
GSH:  Do you have a sister, Private Habsburg?
MD:  Sir No Sir!
GSH:  A dog then?
MD:  Sir Yes Sir!
GSH:  Private Habsburg, are you into beastiality?
MD:  Sir No Sir!
GSH:  Bullshit, I bet if we looked under your trailer, there’d be a Sam’s Club-sized vat of peanut butter and 9 ugly fucking puppies on chains in your yard!

And on it would go.  Speaking of kinfolks, we’re headed to eastern Alabama today for a family reunion!  Fried chicken and homemade ice cream are in my future.
I think GySgt Hartman would’ve made a great writer of funny blog posts.

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One Comment

  1. Whoa, you are channeling the Gunny’s script writer!

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