Gratuitously offensive

by the sweat of my balls

By the sweat of your brow, you will produce food to eat until you return to the ground… (Genesis 3:19)

Most of us don’t do our producing in a manner that requires sweaty brows, but we probably do get sweaty ball when we produce, right? Ever reach down to adjust and then smell your hand? Sure you do! Just not in public, right? No way! After years of experimenting in this manner, I’ve determined that sweaty balls smell like wet pasta. I touch and sniff to get an indicator as to the State Of The Muskrat after exercising–i.e., whether I need to shower or not. I’ve made the reach and sniff move such a habit that when I reach down–not thinking about what I’m doing–Pretty Bride will say, “don’t forget to sniff your hand now.” And yet, she doesn’t leave me. She doesn’t always want to hold my hand, though. Which reminds me, next time I’m at a social gathering and some gent reaches his hand out towards me, I’m going to ask him, “Now, you haven’t been touching your balls have you, good sir? Just checking!” And then I’ll give him a little wink.

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  1. I find my scent to be a bit more ‘yeast-y’.

    I rubbed my sack on your pen…what did you think?

    [Reply]

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