Gratuitously offensive Movies

searching for multiple ballsacks


While writing a film review for my “other” writing gig, I found that spellcheck disagreed with my pluralizing “scrotum” with an “s.” I thought this a bit odd, but Pretty Bride, who took Latin at some point while striving for her 3.5 college degrees, told me it was “scrota.” I did the following search and found that we were both right, but her moreso:

http://www.google.com/search?q=what+is+the+plural+of+scrotum&rls=com.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7ADBF

I elected to use “scrota,” because it sounds better.

Here are the film reviews I submitted:

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
I first noticed, and appreciated, John C Reilly in “Boogie Nights.” I sympathized with, and rooted for, his characters in “Magnolia” and “Gangs of New York.” I laughed my ass off at him in “Talladega Nights.” Thus, I was looking forward to seeing him carry a film instead of help carry it. Unfortunately, he picked a crap script. There are some good lines every once in a while, but the film as a whole tries too hard for something it doesn’t achieve. It’s basically the same scenes from “Walk the Line” but trying to be funny…and with repeated male frontal nudity. If I want to hear lame one-liners and look at scrota, I can go to the local gymnasium. Alternatively, I suggest the following: go crap in the toilet, toss in some apples, blindfold yourself, and start bobbing. At least there’s a chance of getting an apple.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
I saw the first two of the Indiana Jones quadrilogy in June 1987 after renting the VHS tapes at the library near my grandparents’ house in Birmingham, Alabama. I loved them. Even on a 19” screen with what I now know to be crap sound, the adventure, special effects, dialog, and pace of the movies delighted my 12-year-old soul. I was hoping for the same magic from the latest installment, which is still in theaters. Other than my soul’s aging a couple decades, it delivered rather well. Dr Henry Jones has barely aged. The bad guy (Cate Blanchett) is much better looking (especially sans melted face). And, there are alien skeletons! For a good taste of nostalgia and adventure, I recommend an evening with a reunited Lucas and Spielberg.

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