After my client finished getting deposed, Ray decided to depose my client’s colleague, Marta, the Cuban lady who was also harassed at work. Here are a few snippets:
Marta: He would tell Tawanna that she was “doodoo brown” and that he liked light skin.
Ray: Doodle brown?
Marta: No, DOO DOO brown.
Ray: Like the color of a type of dog?
Marta: No, like SHIT BROWN. Not the color of a dog. The color of shit. Got it?
Me: I got it.
Once Ray was able to understand the color of feces, we moved onto the meat of the problem.
Marta: So he said to me, “When will your husband not be at home? I’ll come over, and we can put the kids in front of the TV and go upstairs and fuck!”
Ray: Did you take that to mean he wanted to have sexual intercourse with you?
Me: You went to Duke, right Ray?***
Marta: He told me “You’re so cute, I want you to be my Mexican girlfriend and touch you all over.”
Ray: And that was offensive because you’re actually Cuban?
Marta: Among other things. To be honest, everything about this whole situation just makes me hot!
Ray: Do we need to adjust the thermostat in here?
Marta: No, “hot” means “mad” where I come from! As in PISSED OFF, not TOO WARM.***
Marta: So she told me that he locked her in a room, stood up in her face, and made comments about her breasts and backside.
Ray: Okay. Okay. And I know this might be difficu–
Marta: No, it’s not difficult. He told her she had a “fat, juicy ass.”
Ray: Okay. Now, you may or may not know this, but…er…did he call her breasts “fat”?
Marta: An “ass” is not a breast–he meant her backside.
Ray: Okay.
And then we learned that Ray’s client is not only a pervert, but a raging racist.
Marta: We were so upset, telling the CEO (a Caucasian) all the stuff dude was doing to us, so then he said, “I can tell you girls are upset. Imma go get y’all some chicken and biscuits and watermelon.”
Ray: Well did he actually DO that?
Me: Did you happen to play lacrosse when you were at Duke, Ray?
If this is typical banter in a courtroom, I could never be a trial lawyer. My smart mouth would most certainly put me in contempt of court on a daily basis. There are some flavors of stupid that I am simply not willing to let fly without a bitch-slap to the face.
@Dave2, I wouldn’t call it typical for a courtroom OR a deposition. Clearly, Ray has spent his 5 decades of Caucasian existence firmly under a rock.
Isn’t it about time for Ray to retire? Seriously! Also, it would seem he’s only helping your case. Maybe he’s got some crazy zinger for the end?!
Doubtful. 🙂
@SL, Yes, he should retire and become a roadie for a rap band.
And people wonder why those of us in NC don’t look favorably on dook.
@Russ, I have a bunch of UNC grads as friends, so, yes.
And this just in from Redneckistan…
Be careful out there!
@dave2, Terrifying!
I’m utterly amazed that Ray’s client is still breathing. Dude was so unbelievably clueless, he was hitting on married women? I can only think these ladies, who have my total sympathy, did not tell their significant other’s they were being hit on at work by someone who gives Neantherthals a bad name.
Does Ray take medication? Does Ray need to take medication? I agree with Sybil Law; it’s about time for this good ole boy to retire permanently to his good ole boy club.
Well, Muskrat, I’m hoping this is an easy check for you and you make enough off this single case to put all your children through Harvard Law with money left over to give each of them a “gap year” where they can tramp through Europe with future monarchs.
I hope you can give each of these ladies a HUGE trust so they don’t have to work another day in their lives. I hope the perps have to work until they turn to dust so they can support you and these ladies in the custom you will oh so quickly become accustomed to. Sigh. I would be so happy for all of you, except Ray of course, but he wouldn’t know what hit him anyway so…. oh well.
@Linda, I hope for ALL of these as well!
I don’t know if this is for real or not, but it made me laugh. So thanks!
@loukia, I’m not creative enough to make up Ray’s questions, so yes, it’s real!
Damn, I should have been an attorney. I could have had all sorts of fun with this.
@Jack, It’s a pain in the ass quite frequently, but there is certainly comedy every now and again.
Sounds like Ray is the lawyer version of Herb Welch.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/194725/saturday-night-live-herb-welch
@avitable, yes, a little bit!