Today I led the family to the Chattahoochee River National Recreation Area for a 4-mile loop along the water through the woods.  At one point, there were several dogs gathered together playing, causing Toddler to exclaim with glee, “Doggies!”  Which I translate to mean, “How enjoyable!  Let’s pause to reflect on the unbridled freedom leashless dogs can enjoy in a National Forest.”

So, we did.  Just long enough for two of them to start humping.

Me:  “Looks like they’re wrestling!”
Toddler:  “Doggies ras-sle!”
Random Redneck from behind us:  “Dan!  Get off of Ann!  Now!  Shit.”

I see someone wasn’t forced to watch the last 30 seconds of “The Price Is Right” growing up.  At least he read “Where The Red Fern Grows.”

Toddler:  “Sheet, doggies!  Sheet, Daddy!”
Me:  “Thanks for the vocabulary lesson, buddy.”

We continued.  Farther down the path, we came to a picnic area by the river, which, I hear, ain’t all that clean.  There were some overweight kids playing in the water with a twenty-something woman wearing a white ribbed tanktop sans bra, her lovehandles pooching over her hips on both sides.  She talked passionately on her cellphone and smoked a cigarette.  I’m sure it was menthol.

Teen:  “Dad, can we stop and get in the water too?”
Me:  “I wouldn’t.  This river is infamously dirty.”
Teen:  “But those kids are doing it.”
Me:  “Yes, they are.  But let’s take a closer look at those kids and the litany of bad decisions that have led to their being waist deep in the Chattahoochee today…
Pretty Bride:  “Muskrat!  Inappropriate!”
Me:  “What?  Don’t you think we should take a moment to be judgmental?”
Pretty Bride:  (scowling)
Me:  “We’re not going to swim.  Please look closely at mommy and her dirty urchins, though, as I believe it to be a good educational opportunity.

And educate us they did.  Toddler has already expressed interest in getting spayed.

——————————
Enjoy dirty water and frisky beasts?  Check out this funny blog for more of the same. Don’t forget to vote for Muskrat!

Filed under: Family, chattahoochee river, hiking, humping dogs, menthols, pollution, white trash