a layover in amsterdam

airport sign

We boarded the plane in Atlanta about 10pm.  By 2pm the next day, we were entering the Grand Amsterdam Hotel in all its 2-story, complete with bidet, glory.  But more importantly, we were next door to the Greenhouse.  And if you’ll recall from Vincent Vega’s and Jules Winfield’s discussion about Amsterdam, you know the importance of remembering that it’s legal, but it isn’t 100% legal.  You’re only supposed to smoke in your home or certain designated places.  And the Greenhouse is one such place.

weed sign

But first, we had apple pancakes and beer by the canal.

canal

pancakes

beers

Then, time for some coffee and greenery.

weed

We picked a blend after a detailed consultation with the proprietor and a review of the options posted on a bar menu where one would find varieties of sandwiches at a deli in the States.  It was called “mind eraser,” I think.  Being health conscious, we opted to vaporize the plant instead of smoking it.  The bar tender showed us how to pulverize the leaves, insert a few into the top of the pyramid, turn it on, let it warm up, watch the balloon fill with vapor, and then inhale its contents.  Then, the magic began.

vaporizer

I looked up at the wall and saw several of my countrymen who’d been right where I sat.

famous weed enjoyers

And I heard their voices in my ears, telling me I could float.  So float we did.

I saw Rembrandt, guarded by a bunch of soldiers in armor.

statue

I saw bourbon.

bourbon

I saw absinthe.  And Marilyn Mason.

mansinthe

I howled at the moon.

moon over am

Then we ate a bunch and found a speakeasy called Door 74, which was hard to find because of all the pretty colors everywhere, but it was next to Door 73, and there was a note on Door 74 saying the club entrance was the next door over, since these doors were actually residences, and then the door opened (after I knocked), and I said a certain someone sent us whose name I can no longer recall, but we’d met him at the bar where we’d had dinner a few minutes prior, and they let us in, and it was awesome.

But the colors subsided, so we returned to the Greenhouse to vaporize some more of that special blend of amnesia in the little clear plastic bag riding in my right coat pocket.

Then the colors re materialized, but their glow was red.

red light

whores 1

Photography was not permitted in this area of red lights, so I had to shoot from a distance, but in person, the bodies illuminated by red were inches away, separated only by glass like animals on exhibit at the zoo.  Unlike the animals at the zoo, these creatures banged on their side of the glass and called out to me to enter their glassed cages and join their subjugation.  One even escaped her glass prison, opened the door, and begged me to come inside.

Me:  But…my friends will miss me!  They’re right down the street.  And I’m…
She:  Fifty Euro.  Come inside now.
Me:  Fifty Euro? For what?
She:  A suck and a fuck.  Come.  You come in now.

I felt uncomfortable.  My companion thought I was actually considering this exchange and grabbed my coat sleeve to drag me away.  I told him he was being ridiculous, but that I appreciated his concern for my marital well-being.

Then, it was off to a bar called De Stoof.  And then it was 1am, so time to wind things down at the Cooldown Cafe, since it stayed open til 4am.  I’m told it had a pole on a stage, and that my sore arms came from my tremendous (and completely unaccompanied) enjoyment of said pole during numerous musical scores, bouts of confetti raining from the ceiling, and the passing out of Santa Claus hats.  Apparently, I even shot videos.

Finally, the club closed, and it was time to sleep for 2hrs before boarding a plane for Munich.  Oktoberfest 2013 awaited us.

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4 responses to “a layover in amsterdam”

  1. Ah, to be young and foolish in Amsterdam again. My Love and I had a long weekend there once. Smart ‘shrooms, anyone?

    Did you notice how much sweeter Heineken is out there since it’s fresh and not partially skunked from sitting in those green bottle?
    Always Home and Uncool´s last blog post ..“Well some things you can explain away, but …”

    [Reply]

    muskrat Reply:

    Yes I did…it was glorious!

    [Reply]

  2. OHmommy says:

    My husband and I had a layover in Amsterdam and now there’s a police ticket waiting for us there, if we ever plan on returning.

    Can’t wait to her about Oktober Fest. On our bucket list!

    [Reply]

    muskrat Reply:

    Good to hear from you again! Glad to hear y’all are Dutch outlaws. Also, that would be a great band.

    [Reply]

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