After dinner with Avitable last night, a dinner than included our agreement that the “Clearly You’re Retarded” radio show should be resurrected–and soon–I decided to make a case for my being the first guest.
I said farewell to my friends Coal Miner’s Granddaughter, Copasetic Beth, Houston’s Problem, and Darned to Heck Grant before dropping Pretty Bride off at our house to relieve the neighbor’s babysitting gig so that I could turn around and get the eldest child from her friend’s house in Dunwoody. This meant taking 400, a toll road.
I pulled into the booth and opened my center console to notice a quarter and a nickel. I was sure there were more quarters and nickels below these two coins, and I also knew I had a checkbook and a debit card with me, so I had no concerns.
Me: Hey, it, um, appears I only have 30 cents here, so I’ll write you a check right quick.
Her: Do you have any pennies?
Me: You’d rather have pennies than a check?
Her: We don’t take checks.
Me: Debit card?
Me: What do y’all do when out-of-towners come here, or like, illegal immigrants who have no money? There’s nowhere to turn around! Does Georgia hate poor brown people?
Her: Did you just say ‘poor brown people’?
Me: Um, no?
Her: Was that supposed to be funny?
Me: Here’s 7 more cents. We’re up to $.37 now. I don’t know what I should–
(from behind me) HOOOOOONK!
Me (extending a middle finger toward the back windshield): If I didn’t just have a wonderfully enjoyable evening, I’d be tempted to spout profanity right now. So, what do I do? I can’t back up with 5 cars behind me. There’s nowhere to turn around if I go forward.
Her: Just go. *tosses 50 cents into the bin while putting my 37 cents into her drawer* But don’t drive on this road again with no cash, you got me?
Me: I’m sorry I suck so badly.