What’s in a name?  After we saw “Meet the Fockers,” my wife starting saying, “Muskrat!” when I’d mouth off about something inappropriate in front of the children.  Or our friends from church.  Or neighbors.

I decided to start a blog called “Muskrat” after a conversation at breakfast in which the term was employed.  Then I volunteered for career day at a local elementary school.  It went down hill from there.

Thanks for reading, and enjoy…

I’m actually not a pedophile.  I prefer to think of it as providing quotation marks for my mouth (a la Jack Black in “Margot at the Wedding”).  And I only had mustaches for 2 days anyway.

Here’s a portion of the transcript from my interview with James Lipton, plagiarizing Bernard Pivot, channeling Marcel Proust:

01. What is your favorite word? free
02. What is your least favorite word? tax
03. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? idiosyncratic juxtaposition
04. What turns you off? vomiting
05. What is your favorite curse word? rat bastard whores!
06. What sound or noise do you love? when I pull in the garage, start up the stairs, and the baby is jumping up and down yelling “Daddy Daddy!” at the end of the workday.
07. What sound or noise do you hate? war (mortars, fighter planes, gunshots)
08. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? front man for an 80’s hair band
09. What profession would you not like to do? the Army Private assigned to burn the shit in a war zone.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “Loved your blog!  Thanks for never taking My name in vain.”

Still curious about this Father Muskrat fellow?  Check out these 100 truths, then.