There’s nothing quite like the hysteria a military unit will feel (during peacetime, anyway) shortly before a general officer is slated to visit. There’s mopping of floors, straightening of furniture, and polishing of boots going on throughout the building instead of any of the work that’s supposed to be observed and commended. I’ve always thought it a bit lame.
Yes, I can appreciate the tenacity and expertise required for one to get a star or two on his or her epaulet, but am I going to stop working so I can push a broom around? No. But here’s what I did instead.
See that window above? That’s my office’s door. Long before I moved in, some dildo stuck a metal door on the glass and wrote “PRIVATE” on it, using velcro to affix it to the glass when it’s shut. Really? Is that what we need in the wake of the rampant sexual assaults going on across the services the last couple decades? A stepping stone?
So, I doctored the sign like this:
And in case you can’t see the note at the top, here’s a closer look:
Then I shut the flap across the window and closed the door, allowing everyone who walked by to assume that I was furiously touching my privates inside.
And I do mean “all the clocks.”
Then I wait for Mr Two Star to come in while everyone under my command remained absolutely horrified (or tremendously entertained…mainly the latter). But dude never did.
He apparently bypassed my hallway before addressing our group in the conference room. Must’ve been scared of the team of masturbating pot smokers.