For some reason, a group of educated and fairly sophisticated individuals have decided they want to listen to me for several hours tomorrow, so I’ve flown up to Milwaukee, WI and then drove 3hrs north to what appears to be Nowhere, Dairyville. I could’ve flown into a location closer to my final destination, but because I’ve never been to Wisconsin before, I wanted to spend more time on the road exploring. I also added an extra day at the end to go out boozing in Madison and touring a brewery or two in Milwaukee before flying back south.
So far, I’ve learned:
1) when the internet says the temperature is 30 degrees colder somewhere, take heed. I deplaned and had to immediately root around in my suitcase to find a coat, as I left Atlanta in mid-80 degree temperatures; Milwaukee was low 50s. For some reason, I thought it’d be 85 when I landed, like it was when I boarded. Not true, dumbass. Not true.
3) there are no black people in Wisconsin. I know–you’re thinking, “Hey Captain Judgmental Asshat, you’ve been there less than one day; what do you know?” I’ll tell you what I know: I’ve driven 3 hours and had two meals; I looked around the whole time and saw not a single hue darker than Clorox. What up with that? Apparently, all Wisconsinites are racists who stand by the border and disallow anyone who’s “diff-ernt.” I’ll bet YOU PEOPLE can’t dance, either.
4) my firm likes for me to look Tardtastic. How? They have me a canary yellow Chevy Cobalt. Only cars that cost >$50,000 and can go 0-60mph in fewer than 5 seconds should be yellow. Otherwise, yellow car drivers are hoseheads. There, by the disgrace of our office manager, drive I.
My non-work-related objectives are to enjoy local beer, enjoy local cheese, and see a badger. I accomplished the first one today. I’ll update the blog with progress on the latter objectives as the week continues. Tonight, I’m walking up the road to this place:
*A quick “thank you” to Maggie and Sarah, who gave suggestions for places to visit while I’m up here! Sorry I sorta dissed your state a little. I actually like the cooler temperatures. Just not the racists.
**Update: Dinner at Hereford & Hops was excellent! I recommend the beer sampler, 40oz ribeye, and all-you-can-cram ribs, which is what I had.