As a young white person, I can well remember screaming at the television, “Lake Superior, you dumbass…hence the name!” as a tow-headed boy scratched his head and stared at the ceiling, while his sister held her bottom lip with her right index finger, neither able to recall the largest Great Lake.  Finally, they’d give up and choose the physical challenge.  As they put on goggles and headed towards the vat of runny dog shit and marshmallows, I would cringe at the idiotic kids who were about to be covered in oily turds.  Filthy losers.

Conclusion:  all white people hate dummies who struggle to recall the obvious.  Thus, all white people hate game shows on Nickelodeon.

I’d have to say the modern day equivalent of this is that “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?” show we watched in Iraq, because the Armed Forced Network only carried 2.5 channels most days.  Like “Double Dare,” all of us at home (or in some shithole 8 timezones from home) watched in horror as seemingly intelligent persons struggled with what should be obvious.  Only they didn’t have to run through pools of urine with raw eggs getting hurled at them.  Perhaps they should’ve, though.  Then maybe they’d have been able to remember how to find the area of a circle.

aside:  has a Mark with a “c” ever amounted to anything?  Doesn’t everyone know that the “c” hinders academic progress?  I’ll bet Marc Summers had a basement full of kiddie porn, a la Patrick Swayze in Donnie Darko.  I’d be willing to bet a rack of Dreamland ribs on it.

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To read about former Double Dare candidates who now blog about slime, check on this funny blog.  Or just multiply 22/7 by the radius squared.

Filed under: Stuff White People Dislike, double dare, nickelodeon, white people